Pink Slips...Now with envelopes!

Oh blogging. The only job I should really have. I am currently sitting at my “paying” job completely bored. I have gone from blankly staring at my computer screen, to working on my cover letter and resume for a new job, to secretly playing fruit ninja, to now looking as though I’m being productive by typing out my blog post on Microsoft Word. Just as I was wondering, ‘What should I write about today?’ a news ticker appeared in my inbox titled, ‘Hallmark Launches Job Loss Sympathy Cards.’ Bingo. Considering I might be receiving one myself; if anyone knew how lazy I am sitting in this cube.


Job loss sympathy cards… I realize that its purpose is to be a nice gesture to someone coping with the crushing blow of losing one’s job in this kind of economy, but it seems to me that using a card to sympathize with said person is missing the mark sentimentally. Personally I might find it offensive. I mean, look at it this way. If I had just lost my job, and had no idea what the eff I was going to do about finding another one and some person who I once worked with handed me a card that said hey man….one door closes and a window opens. What do you say to that? Thank you? You have a job and can buy me pointless cards while I might have to sell this so I can buy a can of spaghettios to split between myself and my starving family for the next month. What if they put money in it? How inexplicably rude would that be? Sorry you lost your job, here’s 12 dollars. As if losing your job wasn’t enough, the sentiment following is the real blow to your ego.

The only way I could see these cards being useful is if the employers used them to fire/lay off their employees. Instead of that awkward “We’re moving in a different direction” shpeel, they just hand you a card in a pink envelope. A whole new definition for the term pink slipped! Now with cutesy phrases! They could even put your severance check in it. One stop you’re fired shop. Although I feel that buying the card would then hold the same stigma as when you buy condoms or lady products…Everyone will know exactly what you’re going to do with it.

It is sad. In the long run it’s another company making a quick buck off of something stupid. But the card making business has thrived off of this for a long time. Hell, there are entire holidays with the attached Hallmark moniker, (I’m looking at you Valentine’s Day). The fact that we need to acknowledge another event in the lives of another, especially one that would rather be left under the rug, is superfluous (like that word? I’ve been waiting since the 10th grade to use it in a sentence) I for one will not be buying my unemployed friends cards. I will be getting them really drunk, the way coping with job loss is supposed to go.

Until next time, Do work, son!

Piles and Piles of....homework

It's the Tuesday before spring break and the sessions crew is stressing out. So not normal for us.
I don't know why professors feel it is ok to pile on work the week before we're due for a break, and then pile on more work to complete over the break. It's a tad evil...no wait, more like extremely wrong. Do they remember what it was like to be in college? No one wants to do homework over break. No one WILL do homework over the break. Wouldn't it be easier to save themselves marking all the terrible papers written day of 2 hours before class, to just wait until after break so they can grade quality papers? There's something sinister about it all.
I hope everyone else is having a better week. It's 1pm and I feel like drinking heavily, just to give you a clue into my day so far. Keep it at a sane level kids.
peace.

Growing up sucks...

Just a quick post, I promise...
More of a question really...why do I hate college so much? Besides the whole senioritis thing, I should be pretty cool with college. I am graduating on time, with good grades, and I have had the time of my life here. Yet, I hate this place so much that I feel like spitting on anything and everything Hofstra University. Mainly, I think that my senioritis has gotten so bad, that I can't even stomach the thought of class anymore. I literally stay awake at night conjuring up ways so that I don't have to go to class in the morning. It's really becoming a problem. It's also like a catch 22. I hate this place so much, but I never want to leave it. I don't want to graduate, I am not excited to graduate, or to be graduated. I am desperately trying to hold on to some form of adolescence with little luck as it seems that everything in the world is forcing me to grow up. That's just not how I roll. I like being silly, and I like being "young" and everything in my world is just...not that way.
I don't want to go into the whole logistics of getting older, and how scary it is and blah blah blah...I know, I know all of this. The thing is, why? Isn't there some way to grow up, but still maintain that fun-and-fancy-free way of life? Right now it seems like a big N-O, and I gotta tell ya, that is seriously the most fucking depressing thing in my world right now.
Any advice, friends?

Your daily FML

I love living vicariously through the pain and suffering of others. I consider it part of my charm. So when I found fmylife.com, you can imagine how enthused I was. It's an entire site dedicated to life's little fucked up moments. Usually I sit an read it while I'm at work, and I must look so weird LOL-ing to the computer screen. Anyway, if you haven't been to fmylife.com, please check it out. It's an instant pick-me-up for those shitty days. Here are a few especially funny ones I was looking at today.

"Today, the phone kept ringing but there was only silence on the other line. The third time I yelled, "What the fuck is your fucking problem asshole!? Get a fucking life shithead!" and hung up. Then the pastor's wife called and explained that she mistakingly set her phone on mute. FML"

"Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML"

"Today, while I was out to eat, I was approached by the restaurant manager. He told me that while he respected my personal choices, his patrons didn't feel comfortable with someone who used to be a man using the women's restroom. He thought I was a transsexual. I am a naturally-born female. FML"

"Today, me and my boyfriend came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we proceeded to have sex. Just as it was getting good my phone rings. It was a text from my mom, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell your faking." FML"

and the funniest....

"Today, I was swimming in the ocean with my best friend and a giant wave came and knocked off the bottom of my bikini. My friend told me that she would go get another bottom so I could walk onto the very crowded beach. She left me for half an hour, laughing from the shore with her entire family. FML"

Try to have a good day lovers!