So it seems that what I thought were nasty rumors are actually true facts. Kristen Stewart (who will only be named once...there it was, her name to me will always be Twat Waffle, TW, or T-dubs for short) and Robert Pattinson are dating. Now fellow blog readers, you may know that I do love me some R-Patz, and despise me some T-Dubs, but I can't say that I am angered, nor upset by the pair. Nay, in fact, I am not in the least surprised that they are together. Reasons being? Well, I have 3 very valid points as to why this relationship shouldn't be news to anyone:
1. They're basically the same person except one has penis...who that is exactly? Well that's up for debate. They both rock the coke/grunge look from raiding Kurt Cobain's closet and then refusing to do their hair. They both have the same fuck-being-famous personality about them (except TW is a bit more bitchy about it) and they're both publicly awkward to boot. Making sense so far?
2. I guess this is going off being the same person, but they're both in the same boat at this point in their life, and they tend to share their experiences with one another. What I mean by this is they are both the big deals right now. Millions of girls want to rip R-Patz's clothes off on a daily basis as more and more people are "sucked" (pardon the pun) into this vampire craze daily, and millions of girls want to either ask what it's like to actually be able to rip off R-patz's clothes, or if they can punch her in the mouth (oh, that's just me?) So why not bare the brunt of this fame together? You're stuck with each other half the time anyway with photo shoots, promotional parties, and interviews, book/cd/dvd signings, etc...might as well be friends with the person you're stuck with. I also will forever remain convinced that they started out as coke buddies who then became fuck buddies, and now they're fuck buddies who hold hands (which is "together" I guess...) So they're together because they've been put together since the beginning.
and the third and most important reason the Twat and Cedric Diggory are now two birds of a feather is
3. They're Bella and Edward Mother-Fucking Cullen. What do you think this is doing for their popularity? Uh yeah, sending it straight to the bank. Magazines are goingt o be dying for photos of the now out and about couple holding hands, and kissing, and being on vacation...maybe even a sex tape I don't know (Dear God, if there is a sex tape please let it just be of him so I can watch it without throwing up everywhere, thanks a bunch.) It creates even more buzz for the Twilight franchise which means more coke money for T-dubs and R-Patz! All they need to do is get married, pop out a baby and dress it up as a vampire for halloween and they will be set for life. Seriously, TW and Rob being together is the best career move they have ever made.
So there you have it. A couple made in movie franchise heaven. I'm not upset that they're together, just more upset in R-Patz's taste in women, but then I have to remember my three points, and it just makes sense. So congrats Twat Waffle. You have bagged yourself a gorgeous Londoner who is almost as big as a broody fuck head as you are. I'm sure you two will be very happy. So I hope that means you'll be smiling more often instead of that snaggle-toothed snarl you put on your face most of the time. This blogger can only hope so much...
To all the sessions readers, I hope you find a match as perfect as Twatty McGhee and her man. Until next time, peace love & coke buddies.
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