Shake Weight...Perverse? Or Genius?

Sessions has a new segment simply titled "dumb commercials." This section will be dedicated to all of the tv advertisements that should have never made it passed the drawing board, let alone land on our screens. It is also dedicated to those products that just miss the mark in so many ways. Today's is a doozy. The shake weight, and now...the shake weight for men.
Kudos to the pervert who invented it. No this is not some dirty minded thing, the shake weight's movement cannot be mixed up with anything else. There is no other type of workout to mimic that movement except for well....jerking someone off. But hey, the person certainly had the right idea. I guess they just didn't have any say for the commercial. Although with the shake weight, it's just pretty self-explanatory what you're supposed to do. Have a look:



yeah ladies...work out those arms...think of your boyfriend....and if it breaks, just use him instead. Same thing. You'll feel the results after only one workout.

Men, couldn't leave you out...but what's with the grunting dudes?



Yeah...I know the commercial is supposed to be manly or something, but for some reason it still screams "gay porn" at me. It'll kick. your. butt...Ooh that's it. Now bring on the orgy!

Shake Weight, although you sort of win for most practical workout, you have an epic fail on your hands commercially, and quite literally for a matter of fact.
If anyone has any other dumb products they would like to discuss, please leave a comment. Comments make our shake weights work extra hard.

Unnaturally Good Looking...Damnit.

Just a quick post before I go to bed. I mean I could possibly go on and on about just seeing Twilight: Eclipse, but Jesus there just aren't that many hours in a day. Bottom line, loved the movie...a step up from New Moon and leaps and bounds over that piece of shit movie Twilight.

Ah, but I digress. No, what I wanted to talk about today is the fact that every single actor in that movie is too gorgeous for words. I am more specifically referencing to Taylor Lautner. The fact that an 18 year old can look that good, is just not right. I am not ok with it. I am reminded of a Family Guy episode where Peter goes on a rant about Lindsay Lohan. I would like to reiterate this rant with my own personal spin:

You know what really grinds my gears? This Taylor Lautner. Taylor Lautner with all those shirtless scenes, jumping around there on screen, half-naked with your abs. Ya know? You're a... You're out there jumping around and I'm just sitting here with my popcorn. So, what am I supposed to do? What you want? You know, are we gonna go out? Is that what you're trying to - why why are you leaping around there, showing me your muscles and fighting skills, over there in my face? What do you want, Taylor? Tell me what you want? Well, I'll tell you what you want, you want nothing. You want nothing. All right? Because we all know that nobody in Twilight wants to have sex with anyone, and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is - is just bogus.

Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattinson, Kellan Lutz, and now Xavier Samuel, are all out to destroy me with their good looks and just enough acting skill to keep me interested. Whoever hired these guys deserves a fucking raise...and me as their assistant so that I may (even for a second before I get thrown out for physical assault) look at these gorgeous creatures...and tell them to take their clothes off, err...for the role of course.

Well before this turns into some type of creepy fan fiction, I am off to bed. Taylor Lautner, you're legal now...and if I should ever see you in the street I am punching you in the jaw before I frantically try to make out with you. Just letting you know. Goodnight.

I don't like that song...Are those drums I hear?

I don't understand why many radio stations today are adding a techno beat to songs that just shouldn't have one...Do they think it makes the song sound better because you maybe sway along to the beat? Uh, no. Wrong. If the song was shit before, it's still shit now with synthesizers and a driving drum beat. In some cases I think the song is made worse by adding the extra fluff. My two prime examples are Need You Now by Lady Antebellum and Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Buble.
Ok first of all, how that god awful country song landed on the top 40 station is beyond me. I don't know if the general radio listening population also felt this way and that's why they decided to give it the techno spin, but it's still a country song on a top 40 station. Now it just sounds more ridiculous than it did before.
As far as Michael Buble's song...why was it necessary to tamper with the song in the first place? He's a crooner!! How offensive. A classic style turned into today's vapid junk? I am severely disappointed in whoever mixed that song and allows it to be played on the radio on a daily basis. Appalled.
So here is what I say to the radio stations out there who think that turning either already shitty music or music that was fine the way it was into something all techno...leave it alone. It doesn't sound better, it doesn't add more appeal, it just sounds stupid.
Sessions has spoken.

Silly Bands...Make a silly chain, and hang yourself silly.

I am no stranger to ridiculous fads. I am pretty sure there are over 200 beanie babies in a box in my basement, I found a collection of pogs in the depths of my closet, and I still remember the different patterns for lanyard keychain making. So I ask, why do these silly bands piss me off so much? It's not that they add insult to the regular rubber band by being in the shape of animals/letters/presidents of the united states etc...or that kids tend to wear so many of them their arms soon resemble a multi-neon-colored lumpy sweater.
No I think what bothers me most is just how absurdly popular this fad has become among children and adults. Kids, fine go ahead pile those damn bands on your arm until you can't lift them anymore. If you happen to be over the age of 10, take those damn things off your wrist- you look like a moron. Do you realize you have a pink rubber zebra on your arm? Unless you plan on tying it in your hair or getting that stack of papers to finally stay put, you have no earthly use for such a thing.
Chalk it up to old age, I guess. I just find this useless fad completely embarrassing to the name of past useless fads. Pogs at least promoted gambling, silly bands promote rubber chemicals exposed to your skin, and where is the fun in that?
If you have any other fads you'd like to duscuss, leave a comment. I have recently discovered that people actually read this blog, and I would love to hear what you think. Until then. Get that orange spaceship off your wrist before I slit it with a pokemon card.

For all the dirty minds...

For all the people with their minds in the gutter (like myself) does this commercial just miss the mark for you?


Yeeaahh....coulda came up with a better name for that....

I don't even think the 80's would like this back...

There is an epidemic in Central PA. There is an alarmingly large population of people with mullets. I for one, am truly disgusted that this hair cut is still legal to wear about in public. I am even more ashamed that the people here are unaware that mullets are ridiculous. See for yourself.
It's wrong. I don't know which indecisive idiot invented this awful do. And don't fall behind the old slogan of "Business in the front and party in the back" That is just encouraging it. I'm sorry, but I would neither like to do business nor party with someone with anyone sporting that abortion of a hair cut.


The mullet adds further effrontery by actually being considered an option for a woman's hair cut. To the "ladies" all over central PA currently sporting this hair-do, I say only this. Shave it all off and let it grow back in again. You already look ridiculous.

There were only two people on Earth who looked good in a mullet and it was only because it was the eighties and everything looked bad. Those two people were John Stamos and Billy Ray Cyrus. So Central PA mullet bearers I implore you for the sake of being taken seriously, take your ass down to the barber's/salon and take care of that mess on top of head and lying on your shoulders. Or I will be forced to take some scissors of justice to your head myself.


John Stamos, if you ever read this blog; You have great hair. Don't change at all. Love, Sarah.

Oh My God We're Back Again

I apologize for once again abandoning this blog. I always think of clever things I want to write about, and then for some reason or another (usually laziness) I just don't...

I understand that this blog started out as a random look at life from two of the most awesome people I know, and in some ways it still is, if Marya ever decides to write again...but we are left with me, and so...Sessions will be still be Sessions, but it will have to be from my point of view, and about the going-ons in my little world. Oh sure, it won't be exciting news that one could find in NY. But I have found that York, PA has its own set of quirks, and the people in it are just if not more worthy of comment.

My recent venture has been to find a solid group of friends to surround myself with so I don't succumb to bashing my head against a wall for fun (for the record, it's not...) That is where my current job has come in. I have succeeded in doing so, and although my heart will always be with those certain persons in NY, the friends I have made here have provided me with so much already. Which leads to another point in why I need to start writing again...

If this blog has taught you anything about me, it is that I love gossip, and the gossip at work is so juicy I have considered starting a gossip girl type blog dedicated to the going-ons of what I will now be referring to as 1087. There are other nicknames I use for the people who work there, and I hope I do not confuse you too much if I ever write about them. But back to the gossip...it's ridiculous. 1087 is like a little town and everyone knows each others' business. Oh it is simply too delicious to handle most of the time. The weird love triangles, and gay rumors, and petty spats, loves it. But this is all for another time. Just wanted to let you know some of the things you might start to see.

Anyway, what I really wanted to write about today was about my goal to find fellow smokers in PA. It has been a very long and arduous task. Coming from a place where it was so openly discussed and traded among my friends to a place where I couldn't tell who did and who didn't (well, that's not completely true, there are some people who I have seen and just "know") has sent me on what I will call a noble quest. This quest has lead me to meet a white gangster who schooled me in 90s rap at 3am, A very attractive electrician with a brain the size of a small pebble, two 19 year olds with whom I had a very long discussion about the pros and cons of eating and passing a plastic bottle through your system vs a glass one, an out-there musician who took me through half of his music library while I pretended to be interested at least a quarter of the way through, and a new friend who knows how to take the wheel while you light a bowl. With that said I have also learned that in PA people smoke in sheds not basements, and PA has so many back roads it is impossible to be found by the cops, and burn cruises are the choice way to smoke. Now, I haven't found someone yet to be a smoking buddy, but I am well on my way. Until then, I think it will be fun to write about my little get togethers with the smokers of York, PA. They are an interesting bunch.

So Sessions is back again, slightly modified, but back nonetheless. As always it shall be filled with quirkiness and thoughtful...err thoughts. Until next time. Peace, love, and sessions.