Graduated Blues

I don't really want to really "dig" in deep on this subject because it makes me sad, but I will simply say this, being an adult is terrible. After receiving the dreaded loan repayment letters the other day, it hit me. This is what adult life comes down to- bill payments, and loan repayments and monetary obligations, and pointless drudgery like the 9-5ers, or two of them. No wonder adults are miserable, this sucks. I know there is some saying that's like life is what you make of it, and ok people...I vow to never let my life pull me down. I may have to do this adult shit because I just don't enjoy federal prison, but fuck being an adult. What is the fucking point? To be a boring ass drone to some ideal that money will make one happy? Nah, I'm ok. I have been truly happy and it was at a point where I had no money to my name, I had to steal food because buying it just wasn't an option. Maybe in some ways I am being naive, that being a degenerate is no way to live a life, and that I am still riding the coat tails of my college life. Yet, there is a big part of me that has always felt that being grown-up is a silly idea. There is no point to leading a life where you are constantly unhappy about it. So fuck it, the "adult" lifestyle is not for me, and I refuse to let my vitality be taken away from me by something so pointless as growing up. Age is just a number anyway.

Happy Thanksgiving.

This Thanksgiving Sessions would like to give thanks to everyone who makes this blog possible. That includes, celebrities and their dumb decisions, good music, good movies, life's little oddities, and the people in our lives who encourage us to write it all down. Thank you for everything.

Personally I am thankful for my friends: Without them, I am not me. You are the best people I know. Thanks for being in my life.

We at Sessions hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday. Eat. Drink. Be merry. Oh, and please take the time to think of others who may not be as fortunate. Go help out at Soup Kitchen, or donate to a charity. Giving is the best way to say thanks for all that you have.

Also, to all those turkeys who are still alive today. I think you have the most to be thankful for...for now. muahaha. Happy Thanksgiving!

Nothing Really Matters but Mooiii!

Just a bit of silliness to brighten your day:

Til Death Do Us Part?

I was watching a story on the "Today Show" about this wife in Florida who hired an undercover cop as a hitman to murder her husband. So I thought, well ok that's pretty terrible, poor guy...Then I watched the rest of the story. Um, yeah. Maybe she had the right idea. People that stupid don't really belong on Earth anyway, and no this is not a harsh statement...watch the story for yourself below:


Yeah...first of all I think the FIRST time my spouse tried to kill me I'd be like, well...maybe this isn't working out. Don't stay with the bitch, you moron. I love when Matt asks about her Escort past and the dude is all like oh, no...why would she try to kill me bc she was an escort? Bitch is a gangster dude, She's taking you out to get to the cash. I have to give the girl some credit for persistence. But seriously? three times and you're like oh yeah, we should prob get a divorce. Lay off the steroids man, and get a clue.

Let me know your thoughts readers...why do you think the guy stayed in his murderous marriage? Is he a crayon short of 8 pack? Did he usually take anti-freeze in his tea? Or was he really in love with his lady escort? Love makes us do stupid things...but come on!

TW and R-Patz Sitting in a Tree...S-N-O-R-T-I-N-G

So it seems that what I thought were nasty rumors are actually true facts. Kristen Stewart (who will only be named once...there it was, her name to me will always be Twat Waffle, TW, or T-dubs for short) and Robert Pattinson are dating. Now fellow blog readers, you may know that I do love me some R-Patz, and despise me some T-Dubs, but I can't say that I am angered, nor upset by the pair. Nay, in fact, I am not in the least surprised that they are together. Reasons being? Well, I have 3 very valid points as to why this relationship shouldn't be news to anyone:

1. They're basically the same person except one has penis...who that is exactly? Well that's up for debate. They both rock the coke/grunge look from raiding Kurt Cobain's closet and then refusing to do their hair. They both have the same fuck-being-famous personality about them (except TW is a bit more bitchy about it) and they're both publicly awkward to boot. Making sense so far?

2. I guess this is going off being the same person, but they're both in the same boat at this point in their life, and they tend to share their experiences with one another. What I mean by this is they are both the big deals right now. Millions of girls want to rip R-Patz's clothes off on a daily basis as more and more people are "sucked" (pardon the pun) into this vampire craze daily, and millions of girls want to either ask what it's like to actually be able to rip off R-patz's clothes, or if they can punch her in the mouth (oh, that's just me?) So why not bare the brunt of this fame together? You're stuck with each other half the time anyway with photo shoots, promotional parties, and interviews, book/cd/dvd signings, etc...might as well be friends with the person you're stuck with. I also will forever remain convinced that they started out as coke buddies who then became fuck buddies, and now they're fuck buddies who hold hands (which is "together" I guess...) So they're together because they've been put together since the beginning.

and the third and most important reason the Twat and Cedric Diggory are now two birds of a feather is

3. They're Bella and Edward Mother-Fucking Cullen. What do you think this is doing for their popularity? Uh yeah, sending it straight to the bank. Magazines are goingt o be dying for photos of the now out and about couple holding hands, and kissing, and being on vacation...maybe even a sex tape I don't know (Dear God, if there is a sex tape please let it just be of him so I can watch it without throwing up everywhere, thanks a bunch.) It creates even more buzz for the Twilight franchise which means more coke money for T-dubs and R-Patz! All they need to do is get married, pop out a baby and dress it up as a vampire for halloween and they will be set for life. Seriously, TW and Rob being together is the best career move they have ever made.

So there you have it. A couple made in movie franchise heaven. I'm not upset that they're together, just more upset in R-Patz's taste in women, but then I have to remember my three points, and it just makes sense. So congrats Twat Waffle. You have bagged yourself a gorgeous Londoner who is almost as big as a broody fuck head as you are. I'm sure you two will be very happy. So I hope that means you'll be smiling more often instead of that snaggle-toothed snarl you put on your face most of the time. This blogger can only hope so much...

To all the sessions readers, I hope you find a match as perfect as Twatty McGhee and her man. Until next time, peace love & coke buddies.

Sessions Lives!!!!

Yes it is true. The wait is over. Sessions is back. We can stop crying over our sabbatical, and let's just pick up where we left off, shall we?

Where did we leave off? Well...graduation for one, saying goodbye to the greatest city in the world, for two, and thirdly splitting Marya and myself apart. The summer months flew past faster than I could have imagined and made me realize what I had lost since graduating college. How far the afternoons of hanging out, watching movies, being generally awesome, and coming up with posts for this blog seem to be. Where the only worries were unfinished homework and when we were down to our last green nugget. Before, life was about finding things to keep you entertained. Now life is filled with monetary obligations and finding the moola to pay for those obligations. So we have replaced classes with jobs and have tossed irresponsibility out of the window to make way for a straight-edged, adult lifestyle. My dear readers, I must confess. I think it's a load of horse shit.

If it weren't for the disgusting amount of loan money I am forced to pay back, I don't think I would actually give two shits about being a functioning member of society. I quote Marya while watching "Surfer Dude" one afternoon, "I think I would be ok just living in a shack by the beach, and surfing all day." Exactly, my friend. I agree one-hundred percent. Ah, but life has to be difficult, and here we are.

For this reason I am restarting Sessions. It is a chance to get away from those god-awful adult things that seem to be sucking the vitality from me and remember that life is not meant to be taken too seriously. I can still live in that shack by the sea if only through a silly comment about what a twat Kristen Stewart still is, or when a great song comes out that makes me want to dance in a library or something (btw that song is Sexy Bitch by David Guetta ft. Akon...download it now.) Welcome back to Sessions. We promise it will be just as ridiculous as if we had never received those college degrees in the first place.

Oh ps-Marya, please start writing again. Sessions isn't Sessions without you...it's just me talking about how much I love GQ. Miss you.

Arrest me Chris Hanson!!

Ugh this is disgusting in the best way…

I love GQ but when looking upon something as hto and underaged as Taylor Lautner, I can’t help but feel a pang of guilt. This boy needs to turn 18 already before Chris Hanson busts my ass for being very inappropriate with the November Issue of GQ. I’m going to buy it tomorrow…and I’m going to love it forever.

She couldn't delete her youtube account, too?!

Miley Cyrus deleted her twitter account. Oh no! How are we ever going to keep tabs on Miley Cyrus?!? I just want to know what she’s doooing all the tiiime!!

Mother fucker still has her youtube account and still makes stupid videos like this one…

Jesus Christ Miley…if you didn’t care what the tabloids thought, why did you make this craptastic pseudo-rap about it?

Also can someone tell me who these fucking friends of hers are who only seem to appear in her youtube videos? Did they win some contest? If that’s the case I would like to enter. My video would be called Miley gets punched in the boob. TRUTH!

Well, someone's gotta be on Kanye's side...

Before I begin this post I feel that I need to note that I thought that what Kanye West did to Taylor Swift at the VMA’s was really in bad taste. It was sophomoric, rude, and just made him look like a complete ass. Kanye, it is not easy to be your fan when you do things like this, but I am sticking by you on this fact alone: I am in no way surprised that Kanye did what he did, and my question tonight is, why is everyone else so surprised?

These are the facts as far as I’m concerned. Kanye West has a a God complex. Anyone who disagrees go to youtube right now and look up his concert videos, look up his TV interviews, then go to his website and read his blog. (I’ll wait). Exactly. The man’s ego could fill a football stadium. He’s constantly receiving validation for his ego in his profession as a rap artist, I mean we all have heard his music at some point. I buy it on itunes, and sing along with it in the car. The profession itself is an ego boost. Rapping about whatever the heart desires, having it broadcast across multiple public platforms, and people will listen to it. Of course Kanye is going to have a big ego. Not to mention his general motto of, “I am the voice of the generation.” So why is everyone surprised that someone who thinks everyone wants to hear what he has to say would say what was on his mind without regard to the consequences? It’s not like this was the first time he decided to be a douche in public. Anyone recall a certain crop-circle coiffed rapper announcing to millions of TV viewers during a Hurricane Katrina telethon, “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.” I think Mike Myers face said it all. “WTF Kanye, really?” Or let’s jump across the pond to the 2006 MTV Europe Music Awards where Kanye did what? Jumped on the stage during someone else’s acceptance speech because he wasn’t satisfied with the results?? How completely off guard we were to Mr. West’s douche-bagginess!

Seriously, people. Kanye West is known for being an asshole. It’s part of his erm…charm, (for lack of a better word). Not to mention did anyone even bother to take a look at that massive bottle of Henessey he was CHUGGING before the show? He must have been drunk off of his ass! No, in fact it is almost certain he was drunk off his ass. Deplorable as his actions may be, we all do really stupid things when we’re drunk. It’s just a shame Kanye chooses to do these stupid things on a public stage…even more stupid that he did it to America’s newest sweetheart.

Oh and props to Taylor Swift for being classy. It really is a shame for what happened but she must really be loving all of this new publicity. Oh poor Taylor Swift, she’s only 17. Taylor Swift didn’t get to make her speech. We all love you Taylor Swift, Kanye is a dumbass blah blah blah (Sorry, I’m not a Taylor Swift fan…her weird non-existent eyebrows bother me.) She still won the award, right? Beyonce also let her finish her speech after she won video of the year anyway. Taylor Swift is a celebrity, and if it wasn’t Kanye West being a douche it was going to be some blogger/vlogger critic asshole (myself included) who would’ve said it anyway. Nowhere near as publicly humilitating, but everyone’s a critic.

Speaking of, here is my whole take on Kanye’s recent criticism. Yes. I agree, people should be pissed at him for acting unprofessionally (once again) on a nationally broadcast event. He should especially be sorry that he acted this way towards someone who is sort of new to the business, and for stealing what was supposed to be a very special moment from her. Do I think that the racist comments are necessary? Absolutely not. Pulling the race card just makes the whole situation seem so much darker than it really was. I don’t claim to know the inner-workings of Kanye West in the slightest, but I highly doubt he went up there to complain that a white girl won over a black woman. Aretha Franklin could have won that award and Kanye would still be stumbling up on stage slurring, “Scuse me Aretha I’ll let you finish in a second…” Was it necessary for Jay Leno to bring up his mother during his interview? Um…what? Way to pull the rug right out from someone. Great move on Jay’s part. That show premiered with higher ratings than Conan’s first Tonight Show. Is it necessary that some parts of Florida are now banning all of Kanye’s music from their radio stations? Chris Brown beat the shit out of Rihanna and I would still hear that Forever song at least twice in the same car ride. Was it necessary for Comedy Central to show the “Fish Sticks” episode not once, but 4 times claiming it was “Fish Stick Night”? That is fucking ridiculous. Besides a very long apology on Kanye’s part…done correctly (I’m thinking really fancy stationary should be involved), and possibly some time in Rehab. people need to let this go.

It was the MTV VMA’s, A show that hasn’t been good since 2003 when Madonna and Britney Spears went all lesbo-kiss on each other. It was over a stupid moon-man award. As I already stated, it is terrible what Kanye West did to Miss Swift, it was a major recognition for her, and Kanye pretty much punched the sunlight out of her moment. But if it was JUST a VMA, as many people are giving Kanye shit about….doesn’t it work the other way around? IT WAS JUST A VMA!! If I was an award winning music artist I doubt that I would be like, “Hey…check out the moon man…biggest. accomplishment. ever!” So bottom line? Kanye is a dick bag. Duh. It doesn’t mean we should ignore what he did. He should apologize, and he deserved to be reprimanded…for like a day. Yet calling him a racist, and banning his music, and saying that you want to kick his ass (I’m talking about you Pink, you of ALL people should be the last to talk…please fire the asshole who thought trapeze would be a good act, and if it was your idea, just…God help you.) Violence begets violence. Enough is enough.

Kanye West, you make me embarrassed sometimes to call myself your fan. I think you need a lot of help, but I will never be one to sling mud at you. Besides the occasional critical eye which I have for all celebrities. I like your work, and I will continue to support your music. I just feel bad that you seem to have such a knack for getting yourself into these situations. As for the rest of the Kanye haters…Yeah, been there, done that. Shut up please.

Um...what?

Just to start, I don't like the Jonas Brothers. Here is a big reason...




Now ok, I get that it's supposed to funny, and I can take a joke as well as the next person...but were the high heels necessary? Also, I'm sorry but this just does NOT help with the "I-swear-I'm-not-gay-I-have-a-gf" thing. Joe Jonas, you have once again proven to me that you are the biggest closeted homosexual in the world and it'sjust sad that you haven't come out yet. Do us all a favor and admit it, so then I can laugh at this without being completely freaked/weirded out. Thanks so much.

WTF Serena?

Ok so I'm back...getting near the end of college really puts limited time on writing in this blog, but this could not be ignored...
Um, could someone please tell me who Blake Lively's stylist is? Because he/she should be fired and then stoned in the streets.
Everytime she goes to these formal events she looks like an absolutely horrendous-tranny-hot mess. Soo totes fug!!
Take a look at these and try to refrain from vomiting (it's hard...I know)






GG's S is not a terrible looking person, stop making her look terrible! My eyes can't take it anymore.

Yesss!!!

Dear GQ...I freaking love you.

Major Props

I might have admitted this already but I love men's style magazines. Most women think that the magazines are masoginistic and only talk about booze and tits, but take the time to read one and you will find that the articles are extremely well written, poignant, and insightful on their topics. The reason I bring this topic up is because GQ Magazine has been on a roll with their feature articles. Two Months ago Justin Timberlake was on the cover, and last month was Kanye West (If you have not read that article I suggest you find it, and tell me if you do not love Kanye after it) this month is Robert Pattinson, and I hear through the grapevine next month will be Zac Efron? Uh, KU-DOS to GQ for picking up some awesome covers.

Ladies, I'm telling you...put down the Cosmo. You will learn nothing about your fave hot celebs there. Those interviews are by women, so of course the stars are going to say what Cosmo's women readers want to hear. If you want to get some insight at how they really think pick up a Men's magazine where they were interviewed. This might make me sound like a traitor to my sex, but the interviews wered one by guys with guys...there is no one to impress. So the stars are going to say what they really feel. For instance, We all know at this point that I love me some R-Patz....but he's like king of the emos in the interview. Kanye West is not a diva...although I think he might have some type of OCD. A while back there was a great feature on Jake Gyllenhaal, who might, in fact, be gay...because his interview was dripping with all of these little blurbs that just made him sound, well....completely fabulous if you know what I mean. So what I'm trying to say, the real stories about our favorite male stars are in the men mags.

Have you ever read a Cosmo interview with a male celeb? All the questions have nothing to do with the star himself, just how the star would be with a woman, and women this and women that. (Ugh...I sound like such a dude) I mean, I guess that's great for Cosmo because that's the audience, but it doesn't offer any true insight into the star's head. Romantically sure, but I think we all know that the average Jane is not going to bump into R-Patz in the street and have him fall madly in love with her just because she was wearing his favorite type of perfume on woman. Maybe if she knew he couldn't stand lulls in conversation, or that he's actually kind of a wimp when it comes to women...well...maybe Jane would have the upper hand, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. And sure, GQ interviews are only interviews as well, there is so much more depth to the stars than interviews could ever offer a reader, but for some reason...Men's magazines hit their target more so than the women's magazines.

Oh, and have you seen the picture editorials??? Swoooooon!! GQ is a Men's fashion Mag...so they gotta sell some men's fashion. All of the feature stars are put into designer men's clothing. Sweet baby Jesus, a suit never looked so good on a man.

I guess GQ just does for men what Vogue does for women. I wonder if guys read Vogue to find out about their favorite female stars for the same reasons I read GQ?

Anyway, props to you GQ, for always doing outstanding interviews with Hollywood's hottest eye candy. I loved the past month's features, and if Zac Efron is posing in Dior men's couture for your new cover, then count me in for next month's sale's quota. And to my ladies, I'm serious, the men's magazine's are where it's at. It's like adult Teen Bop....on crack.

Until next time, happy reading, ladies.

Piles and Piles of....homework

It's the Tuesday before spring break and the sessions crew is stressing out. So not normal for us.
I don't know why professors feel it is ok to pile on work the week before we're due for a break, and then pile on more work to complete over the break. It's a tad evil...no wait, more like extremely wrong. Do they remember what it was like to be in college? No one wants to do homework over break. No one WILL do homework over the break. Wouldn't it be easier to save themselves marking all the terrible papers written day of 2 hours before class, to just wait until after break so they can grade quality papers? There's something sinister about it all.
I hope everyone else is having a better week. It's 1pm and I feel like drinking heavily, just to give you a clue into my day so far. Keep it at a sane level kids.
peace.

LINDSAY LOHAN'S NEW MOVIE STRAIGHT TO ABC FAMILY

OMG...hahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha. Ok done. Ha! Ok really done. So that movie Lindsay was working on where she had to pretend she was pregggerz "Labor Pains" is going to go straight to ABC Family and then released on DVD a month later just like "Picture This" that Ashley Tisdale disaster or that MTV moive "American Mall". Wow Lindz you've really done it this time. Move of the week? Next it will be dancing with the stars and you'll get kicked off first because no one will vote to save you. I know she just gave the speech in NYLON about how people should leave her alone and if the media didn't make her out to be such a bitch she would be hired more. Well, Lindsay where there's smoke there's fire. Also, you are a public figure the Paps love you complaining is not going to make them go away its just going to egg them on. So, maybe just change your lifestyle and not be such a crazy person/raging slut.I mean if people are watching and there isn't anything you can do about it, and thats what is effecting your career... my first guess would be to calm down. AND STOP DOING CLUB APPEARANCES kinda goes against the whole I have a substance abuse problem but I go to rehab and I have it under control... just saying.

Ok theres my lindsay rant for today. Let's all take a moment to laugh that her new movie is straight to TV, and we will try to never speak of her again. This will be the only free press she gets from us.

thats all for today lovers
peace.love.and.hilarity

pic:fillr.com

Growing up sucks...

Just a quick post, I promise...
More of a question really...why do I hate college so much? Besides the whole senioritis thing, I should be pretty cool with college. I am graduating on time, with good grades, and I have had the time of my life here. Yet, I hate this place so much that I feel like spitting on anything and everything Hofstra University. Mainly, I think that my senioritis has gotten so bad, that I can't even stomach the thought of class anymore. I literally stay awake at night conjuring up ways so that I don't have to go to class in the morning. It's really becoming a problem. It's also like a catch 22. I hate this place so much, but I never want to leave it. I don't want to graduate, I am not excited to graduate, or to be graduated. I am desperately trying to hold on to some form of adolescence with little luck as it seems that everything in the world is forcing me to grow up. That's just not how I roll. I like being silly, and I like being "young" and everything in my world is just...not that way.
I don't want to go into the whole logistics of getting older, and how scary it is and blah blah blah...I know, I know all of this. The thing is, why? Isn't there some way to grow up, but still maintain that fun-and-fancy-free way of life? Right now it seems like a big N-O, and I gotta tell ya, that is seriously the most fucking depressing thing in my world right now.
Any advice, friends?

Is MTV's "The City" worth watching?

I am a dedicated Hills fan. I never missed an episode of Laguna Beach or the "The Hills" and when I found out my favorite one of Lauren's sidekicks Whitney Port would be moving to my city and working at DVF... I mean pretty much living my dream I was beyond words. However, Whit is boring. I don't care if Lauren's drama is scripted she at least had something to look forward to each week. If "The City" is scripted which parts of it definitely are Whitney is not an actress. So much of it is just forced and you can tell that those girls really are not friends. Whitney, darling, Jay was in it to get famous we all knew from the beginning. Maybe you did too. Maybe this is all really bad scripted reality and you are laughing all the way to the bank. I love NYC nightlife and just the culture and life of NYC, but where is it in the show? The city itself should be a character on the show. And what about Allie the model and her stupid bar manager boyfriend? OMG! Just stop. You guys aren't Heidi and Spencer your drama is so fake and she always takes him back. And! He's a pussy always like i love you baby, your my one true love... but I'm going to go mack some chick?... while being followed by cameras and mics. Really?! Really?! It just isn't as great as I want it to be. Whitney you are living the dream so many girls would kill to have... so ACTUALLY LIVE IT! Stop complaining, listen to Olivia she doesn't want to be your Lauren, and start living your life in NYC. Then maybe the show will be interesting... maybe. High hopes for next season... and "The Hills" is coming back in two weeks for the final season soooooooo excited and sad at the same time. I'm going to miss stalking Lauren's life.

Thats all for now lovers.

peace.love.and.fakies.

Your daily FML

I love living vicariously through the pain and suffering of others. I consider it part of my charm. So when I found fmylife.com, you can imagine how enthused I was. It's an entire site dedicated to life's little fucked up moments. Usually I sit an read it while I'm at work, and I must look so weird LOL-ing to the computer screen. Anyway, if you haven't been to fmylife.com, please check it out. It's an instant pick-me-up for those shitty days. Here are a few especially funny ones I was looking at today.

"Today, the phone kept ringing but there was only silence on the other line. The third time I yelled, "What the fuck is your fucking problem asshole!? Get a fucking life shithead!" and hung up. Then the pastor's wife called and explained that she mistakingly set her phone on mute. FML"

"Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML"

"Today, while I was out to eat, I was approached by the restaurant manager. He told me that while he respected my personal choices, his patrons didn't feel comfortable with someone who used to be a man using the women's restroom. He thought I was a transsexual. I am a naturally-born female. FML"

"Today, me and my boyfriend came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we proceeded to have sex. Just as it was getting good my phone rings. It was a text from my mom, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell your faking." FML"

and the funniest....

"Today, I was swimming in the ocean with my best friend and a giant wave came and knocked off the bottom of my bikini. My friend told me that she would go get another bottom so I could walk onto the very crowded beach. She left me for half an hour, laughing from the shore with her entire family. FML"

Try to have a good day lovers!

Team Jen

Ok, so Jennifer Aniston was dumped by John Mayer People are confirming. They were my couple, I'm devastated I don't care what anyone says I loved them together. They were obviously not right for each other, but I just wanted it to last. John is a player and Jen is getting on in her years and probably wants to settle down. Maybe not with kids, but definitely something steady she can rely on and stop looking. I feel so bad for her. She is so pretty, and has a pretty good career, super famous, serious cash, but no love. Fucking Angelina. No! Whatever, I know what your thinking "I love Angelina blah blah blah". Well I am totally Team Jen all the way. Brad is an idiot. Or maybe there is something wrong with her maybe shes super crazy and insecure or something either way I think we'd be bffs. Do some yoga, smoke some cheeb, go tanning. Jennifer Aniston always has the most perfect tan, does anyone else notice that? And I love her style you can always expect something a little hippie chic from her at the big awards usually a long white or light dress, perfect tan, natural make up, and her hair down. Simple and perfect. She's like me except way skinnier, tanner and richer and famous-er if that was a word. I thought her and John Mayer were great. They could hang out, smoke some herb, fiddle with his guitars. She was the hippie chick to his rocker, she seemed like the perfect arm candy for him. But you can't keep a rocker down he must spread his seed.

So Jen I'm rooting for you, and if you ever wanna hang out I'm in the NYC area and will be in LA beginning of April. Hit me up. We'll smoke and hang out on the beach? Sound good?

That's all for now lovers.

just.peace.and.love.

Swoooooon!

If you didn't know this about me, I think that Zach Braff and myself would get along famously. Recently, a picture of him doing a little puff-puff-pass has surfaced on Perez Hilton. All I have to say is Zach, I live on Long Island. I know you're in the city right now...let's make a date.

Is Joaquin Phoenix the next Andy Kaufman?

I can't get enough of this whole Joaquin Phoenix nonsense. He was in Miami last night doing a "show" at some nightclub when some person in the crowd started to heckle him. Well you know Joaquin Phoenix...gotta watch his rep and all, does an effin' nose dive into the crowd and tackles the heckler!! Does anyone else think this makes for great movie material? Oh, wait, Casey Affleck does. That's why he was there with his camera crew. At first the whole thing was pretty annoying. Oh Joaquin Phoenix is all dark, broody and hobo-looking and he wants to rap booo...Now, I just can't wait until this "documentary" comes out. It's going to be hilarious. One day Joaquin Phoenix is going to shave his mountain-man beard and take off those shades and be like, oh heeey just kidding. Uh...we know Joaquin, WE KNOW!!
Although I am too young to say I remember when Andy Kaufman did the same thing, but he did didn't he? Joaquin must be doing the whole Kaufmanesque shtick. I love how he's taking it to the absolute limit though. It makes for a much more hilarious punchline in the end.
So Joaquin Phoenix, you nutty little thing...Whether you're joking or not, you make me laugh. Kudos to you, for either being the craziest mofo out there, or the best actor in the biz.
In case you live under a rock and haven't seen the video of Kaufman 2000 taking taking the party-pooper out, here it is. Enjoy!

As promised... Art Is A Funny Thing

Art is a funny thing. You take it for granted most of the time because you probably don't realize the art around you. To create art is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. To create good art is almost impossible for me... or at least I thought it was. I have learned how to paint, how to sketch, how to sculpt, how to carve and mold metal, how to decorate a cake and none of it was easy for me... except maybe decorating cakes I guess whipped cream likes me. I was always a numbers girl. I took advanced math and science...well I took advanced everything in high school actually, but no art. I always wanted to take art, but my parents and school guidance counselors always pushed me to go into a field of math or science where there were less girls so that I would do well in life. This philosophy should be killed. I would be a shell of a person if I did not, finally in college, try my hand at creating. My brain was not equipped, however, with the tools to use that part of your brain opposite from the number crunching, the creating part. My ability to see things in my head and translate them into a physical form or picture has been challenging to say the least, making my brain actually hurt at times. I never thought I would make it through even the basic of art classes, especially because of one terrible, awful professor. What I didn't know, was that I was already an artist in my own right. I love clothes. Love. Love. Love clothes. I always have and I always will. There is a science and a math to clothes as well as an art. The physics of cuts and seams and what styles look good on what bodies and what accessories will make an outfit better is a measure of balance. If I have a special occasion coming up I will mull over the details of that outfit for weeks mostly because I love it but also because I love getting it right. I also love to edit my roomies outfits for them (love you guys :) In my friends and family's recognition of my love for clothes I have been given plenty of books on the art of dressing with authors including by not limited to Rachel Zoe (love you), and Nina Garcia. The one true thing that these women and others stress and I have learned to cherish is find your inspiration. Inspiration comes from everywhere. I am now required to carry 2 sketch books around at all times to be filled and passed in for grades. The idea is to sketch anything and everything that inspires me. I sketch anything from a textile, to an outfit, to a bush or flower anything and everything. There is no better therapy or way to make your life seem more beautiful than to make yourself want to be inspired. Does that make sense? If you are always looking for inspiration you are always looking for beauty, in the conventional sense or not you are looking or rather you are asking the universe to send you something inspiring. It's spiritual I guess. We all have artistic ability in one way or another. What's yours?

peace.love.and.creation.


p.s. I have Slightly Stoopid's "Collie Man" stuck in my head... its not so terrible

pic:su blackwell

It's Still Funny

Does anyone remember that tv show on Fuse called "Behind the Music that Sucks"? It was a parody of BTM obviously, but it was animated with a jib-jabesque cartoon scheme. They mostly made fun of the grous that were popular around 1999-2000 like Britney Spears, Mariah Carey, and Christina Aguilera, but they also poked fun at idols like Billy Joel. Anyway, the show was hilarious. My brother recently found probably the funniest of the episodes; their parody of Nsync. You can watch it below. If you don't think this is hilarious especially around -1:13, or -:58 then I don't know what's wrong with you. I'm still laughing at it right now and I have seen this video so many times! Enjoy!

More funny videos like the "Behind the music that sucks: NSYNC" at Heavy.com

I Hate U2

I don't feel the need to elaborate. I cannot stand U2. I cannot stand Bono. I don't know what it is I just...guhh... want to kick cute and fuzzy animals whenever the two subjects come up. The music just does not appeal to me and I don't understand why Bono is like a model American. Can someone explain that? Is he even a citizen? I know this kind of makes me sound small minded, but its the truth he annoys me. I hear the new album that was leaked is terrible, maybe even worst ever. That makes me happy, but people will still buy it and that makes me sad. That is all.

I am obsessed with Kings of Leon right now though... LOVE THEM.

peace.love.and.good.music.

pic:wordpress.com

Guys w/ Swagger

GQ's new issue is about the top 10 most stylish men in America. We at Sessions can appreciate a guy who is well dressed, and cares about it. Congrats to you gentlemen for setting the example for all the other "dudes" out there who look like impoverished children. Justin Timberlake came out on top, and the other stylistos included T.I., Jason Shwartzman, and of course, Kanye West.
You look good, men. Keep setting the fashion bar high for all the other "bros" out there who could really use a make-over.
You can read the interview with Justin Timberlake (which is actually very funny) here.
The slideshow of the Top 10 can be found here.

Happy Fashion.

Fake Date!

A few things...
First, let's all take a minute to wish Marya a speedy recovery from whatever she has because it's not fun being the only Sessions blogger with her being on her death bed...all...deathly and stuff. Get well soon, love!
Second, I love that because I post all these blogs about Kristen Stewart, Google has made the ads all about her on the sidebar. Crap. hmmm let's see if I can change that a bit
Coach bags, DSW Shoes, Shia Labouf, Jake Gyllenhaal, Kevin Bacon, American Apparel, Forever 21, Urban Outfitters, Louis Vuitton, Prada....hope that helps our little ad situation.
Third...and pertaining to the title of this post, I have a faux-date tonight. For my American Sign Language class, I have to attend two deaf related events. There happens to be a deaf school in Nesconsett where there is a deaf magic show tonight and I will be going with this guy in my class. We'll call him Lewis.
Not so interesting, right? Well the thing is it's been a joke (for quite a while now) between Marya and myself that Lewis and I are fake dating. We always seem to end up going on these random faux-dates. Last year he went with me to my sorority's annual, and we always seem to bump into each other at random functions and end up hanging out. Don't get the wrong idea...I'm pretty sure that Lewis is at least half homosexual, if not completely asexual. So I'm not planning on putting out my moves or anything for him. I do plan, however to look extremely hot as if this were a date...I just think it's funnier that way.
Oh, here's another reason why we're fake dating. I'm "meeting" his family tonight. His brother is home from college and Lewis wanted to drop in and say hello. This relationship is moving too fast if you ask me!
So that's how I will be spending my Friday night. I hope all of you out there enjoy your Fridays in the way that makes you most happy. If you have a funny dating story, similar to my situation or not, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a comment or email us at sessionswithmaryaandsarah@gmail.com
Peace boo-boos.

photo- I googled imaged "fake-date" and this is what came up haha!!!

One Last post about the Twat

So the Twat is of course running her mouth again about how "easy" it would be for her to send hundreds of girls into a frenzy if she left the movie.
Would someone shove some humble-pie down this bitch's throat? I know I talk about how ridiculous she is and yes I am an admitted Twilight fan...but I also cannot stand douchey actors. This isn't even about her being a shitty Bella, this is about her being a shitty actor. It's so unprofessional to knock the movie that you're currently making. I hope the director drops her just because she's so rude. Seriously, NOOO ONE WOULD CARE!
Marya and I write in this little blog crossing our fingers everyday that we would have the even the shadow of fame that she is getting, and she bitches about it all the time. Seriously Twat-waffle...leave. Leave the movie so I can move to Hollywood and a. kick your boring ass, and b. audtion to be the next Bella, and c. be grateful about it.
Fucking young talent...no one seems to get just how fortunate they are.
If any celebrities happen to ever cross this blog, be happy with what you have, and who you are. Be grateful that you have the chance to entertain people, and send your message to masses. Oh, and never be a complete TWAT like Kristen Stewart.

Whyyy?!?!?

Ok usually I give the gays props for having impeccable taste in everything, but they really missed the mark on this one. I was recently informed that the Sarah Silverman show will be returning for another season because of Comedy Central's sister station "Logo."
Logo directs their programming towards the gay community, but I didn't know it had any affiliation with Comedy Central.
So anyway all these people from Logo complained that they were slashing The Sarah Silverman Program's budget and eventually weeding it out of the programming schedule so they all joined together to make sure it stayed on air.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!? Comedy Central had it right the first time. The show obviously wasn't THAT popular if they chose to cut their budget! Really, the show is terrible. It's the same unfunny jokes told over and over again by that annoying troll doll of a person...I am ashamed to even share the same name with someone as unfunny as she.
How many times do I have to hear her say, poop or hang out with some homeless guy who doesn't say anything...oh wait he poops and smells like poop. The entire show is about poop.
Just because there is a gay couple in the show does not mean it's quality television! They're not even that funny either...Everytime I watched the show they were fighting about something. I don't think that's condusive to a great storyline whatsoever...and you want to keep this dribble around? You even gave it a bigger budget than it had before! I would rather be curb stomped than to hear that!
To my gays...I love you, but you're killing me here. As long as that no talent pole with legs has her own show. I am going to continue to be mad at you for doing this to me.

Chillin

So it's Saturday night and I am sitting at home watching Happy Gilmore. I just wanted to make a quick comment on how I am ok with that.
Maybe it's just me getting on in years, but sometimes staying in on a Saturday night is the most relaxing thing a person can do. This weekend is especially nice since my entire house has gone home for the weekend. So I have this nice house to myself, a comfy couch and hours of weekend tv. Delightful, also a big bravo to the Oxygen network for an excellent line-up today. Bad Girl's Club, Hope Floats, Ever After and then Finding Neverland. I did not see the need to move anywhere today...good job, Oxygen. Excellent Saturday afternoon spent with you today.
Right now I'm hanging with "My Old Lady" and ABC Family, and I am happy as a clam.
I hope that you all are enjoying your Saturday nights in the way that makes you happy, now if you'll excuse me Happy Gilmore is about to get in a fight with Bob Barker.

Oh, I hope you all like the new blog set up...that banner took me hours to do! Photoshop is a fucking mystery to me....

Happy Friday!

Good Morning everyone!
Just a quick post to comment on the hilarious ad that is currently at the bottom of this screen. it's for a dating site and it says "we delete members unfit to date!" I'm sorry, how do you get business then? I think the reason people do online dating is because they are unfit to date. Also, way to be a dick about it. I wonder if they actually deleted anybody...Sucks for them, I guess.

Anyway...I am going to be making a few changes to the blog in a minute. It's becoming nicer outside and I want the blog to go along with seasons. The black is beginning to depress me. I'll also be writing another post shortly, there are a few random things I would like to address.

Oh, and Marya is gone this weekend...and it makes me sad. Sessions is only half-rocking it this weekend. Have fun at home Marya. I miss your musk...

Happy Friday lovers.

Twat is still a douche

Will someone put this bitch in her place? It's kind of ridiculous that the star of a movie that is probably setting her up for life just keeps bitching about it. I'm sure there are plenty of better, and prettier actresses out there who would love to be in her shoes. She's such a friggin Twat!

Spotted: Little J After She Lost a Fight with a Lawn Mower

Ok Little J, I understand that your a rocker chick now and your edgy and cool blah blah blah your still Cindy Loo Hoo to me. THIS LOOK IS NOT OK!!!! First, the chopped hair that looks like you did it yourself and now this? Look at your jeans girl! and the worst part is that you paid for them when they already looked like that probably. Why? And to make matters worse you have them tucked into...combat bootie things? You look stupid. There is a way to be rocker chic and not look like you just came out of a wood chipper. One or two rips is ok and do them yourself that's the fun of wearing ripped jeans on purpose because you are supposed to have a story to go with the rips. The jacket is cute though and I really like the rings. Besides that... go home and change.

That's all for now!

peace.love.and.combat.boots.

pic-blahgirls.com

How Many Beers for "The Wrestler" Mickey Rourke...Now.

I don't need to go into the whole he's great actor, "The Wrestler" was amazing...blah blah blah THE MAN IS FUG! But, does his ability and eclectic-ness in all aspects of life out weigh his "Fug-ness". For me... No. I am giving Mickey Rourke 15 beers give our take 5 depending on his level of charm. Thoughts?

Pic-empiremovies.com

Official-ish Arrested Development News

Apparently its pretty official or close to official that Michael Cera will finally sign on to reprise his role as George-Michael in the upcomming Arrested Development movie!!!! OMG love him. My source close to the cast (that makes me sound pretty official huh) told us over the summer that the Arrested Development movie was green-lit but everyone knew it wouldn't be the same without George-Michael and they couldn't replace Cera in the role. Fans of Cera and the show have been patiently-ish...I guess waiting for Cera to sign on although he was pretty sure that he wasn't going to do it. I am glad he came around, however talked him into this one deserves a high five and a cookie.


peace.love.and.biscuits.

pic-bestweekever.tv

Another Post about Another Douche

So apparently Marya and I were correct. Kristen Stewart is a total douche-packer-extraordinaire. In continuing with posts about women we think should be erased from the entertainment industry, besides the obvious Tina Fey (who really does have "that face") and Sarah Silverman, Kristen Stewart is next on the list.

Kristen Stewart, you are.....a twat. That's the only word I can think of when I hear her name. Perez Hilton recently posted this about the twat-waffle herself. He even came up with the same word for her.

So ok, I know that I am a little R-Patz and Twilight obsessed, and Bella Swan is probably the worst leading character ever written....but when thrown into something as big as this franchise is becoming, what did she expect to happen? Did she really expect to be asked questions of worth? Did she think the reporters were going to ask her what she thought of the problems in the middle east? The economic crisis? Of course they're going to ask her what it's like to kiss a vampire, and pretty soon they're going to ask her what it's like to kiss a werewolf...so get used to it! It's like she's "biting" the hand that feeds her (no pun intended)

Trust me Kristen Stewart, I don't like watching you be a bad actor in Twilight either, but don't go knocking it because people keep asking you dumb questions. Without these movies where would you be? Make any films of worth lately K-Stew? Yeah...Panic Room was reeeeeaaalllllly great...Win a lot of awards for that?

Honestly Kristen Stewart....knock it off. You're in this for the loooong haul. Has she even read the books? Does she even know what she has to do in the future? I'd crack those bad boys open and take a look before she decides to do the third and fourth...Maybe we can get someone who can...um...act, and be grateful for the opportunity to be in a movie that has literally become an obsession overnight.

Take a look at the Harry Potter bunch...do you see them telling everyone that they're put in psychotic situations? No! Even though they are...and I am sure they get asked a million stupid questions too. The only thing is they realize what Harry Potter is, and they are happy to be in a production about a book that has influenced so many children. Twilight is the romance novel of the time, just as Harry Potter is the epic of the time. So you're in this Kristen Stewart, whether you like it or not.

Also...We totally called it, her being as interesting as a corn flake. Why the hell is she famous? How did people even remember her to make call-backs or whatever? She's a bland actor, and a bland person? I mean...sure that fits Bella Swan to a tea...but COME ON!!! Bella at least had some sort of spark when it came to Edward. You're killing me K-Stew and this little snippet of how you actually are uniteresting, and how you hate the "psychotic situations" and inane questions is just like twisting the knife in further.

Here is my advice Kristen Stewart. Even though you are a mundane and mediocre person and actor...watch some comedy movies, read the effing books, and shut the hell up. Twilight is going to make you set for life. Be thankful for the opportunity, or stop wasting my, and the rest of the twilight fans' time. We don't think you're that great anyway, and if we have to watch you in three more movies...you better sure as shit be happy about it...twat.

My views in regards to that she-devil Tina Fey.

Alright everyone calm down... all six of you. Tina Fey is one of my least favorite entertainers I think it's very hard for women to be funny and shes the closest thing we have to a funny woman. Bummer. I recently saw "Baby Momma" and it was cute but Tina wasn't that funny... the blonde chick was hilarious though. I know shes like the genius behind 30 Rock and she was funny as Sarah Palin, but eh... thats all the sort of praise I have for her. I just... I dunno I think it's her face... you know that part in step brothers where they're at the catalina wine mixer and that crazy guy from the daily show goes up to will ferrel and is like I don't know what it is about your face but I just wanna punch you... well thats kind of how Tina Fey makes me feel. I'm not sure what it is, I feel like if I ever want a job in entertainment this post could black ball me forever its like making an Oprah joke, but I can't help myself. I also feel like it would be logical for me to like... look up to her I guess since shes a successful funny chick... but I just don't enjoy her at all.

You know who else ISN'T FUNNY... Sarah Silverman... really lady just evaporate, please. I can't even say much more than that because shes just that awful... please just...go away.

So cute!

I know this is pretty old stuff, but I love John Mayer even more after watching this:





John Mayer...if you're ever high and "Stumbling" on the internet, Sessions would love to hang with you. Bring Jen too...we'll roll one and you roll one? Good? Ok.

I'm Random... and booooorrrrrreeeddddddddd

Ok so I don't want to take away from Sarah's newest post by posting so quickly after it so DON'T FORGET TO READ IT. Also, I love that Sarah posts on relevent things and I am just random and post about pish posh. However, I wanna talk Twilight real quickly. I saw three guys today walking around campus working the Edward Cullen look. GENIUS! To the credit of heterosexual boys everywhere I never thought this would happen I just hoped. I saw THREE guys today working the tighter fitting jeans, not skinny jeans, just well fit with a button up and pea coat OPEN WITH HANDS IN THE POCKETS. AND... to make it all worth while... the cherry on top... freaking messed up bed hair OMG I FREAKED OUT. I just wanted to stand up and give each one of them a standing ovation for their attempt at getting the ladies. What a wonderful strategy! I just kind of figured that all the guys in the world were just gunna hate on Edward Cullen for all perfectly understandable reasons, but to the few who realized this was an ass getting gold mine I applaud you. So to all you lonley boys out there... no not you Dan Humpfrey you're just fine the way you are, this friday the thirteen work the vampire look and maybe you'll have a valentine all your own.

happy creeeping...

peace.love.and.bloodyvalentines.

don't forget to read sarah's post!!!!

Update: Ridiculous

Stop fucking with my head Joaquin!! I can't take it!!! I just watched the Joaquin Phoenix interview with David Letterman after numerous people told me I needed to make an update about the whole situation he has going on. It was by far the most uncomfortably funny interview I have ever seen, surpassing even Tom Cruise's hyperactive romp on Oprah. In case you have not seen it, take a look. I'll wait...


It's gotta be a joke, right? I know people want an update about what I can make of this, but I can't make anything of it! If Joaquin Phoenix is making a movie out of this whole charade, then he should win Best Actor of All Time for this performance...no contest. I just can't really believe that Joaquin Phoenix can go from this

to what I just watched. That video took place in 2006...How can he go from funny and charming to some mute lunatic who feels like he's being judged for having a beard?
It has to be a joke, I say this for a number of reasons, 1. If Joaquin was actually as fucked up as he was acting, they would have never let him on stage. 2. You can kind of see at points where Letterman is poking fun at him that Joaquin has to try his hardest not to break character and laugh...he almost does a few times, and then he gets really jittery like he's trying to shake it off. 3. At the end of the interview Joaquin gets up and acts like he's going to leave, but then he turns around to Letterman and takes off his glasses, and smiles. Probably telling Letterman "Hey, man thanks for playing along."4. Joaquin has done this kind of stuff before. He's a crafty fucker that one, at the People's Choice Awards he pulled this little stunt:

This was just last year. It's bullshit, it has to be. Based on his family's history with drugs and alcohol there is no way that he could be doing what he's doing and not have a million and one people begging him to go to rehab. Casey Affleck and Joaquin Phoenix are pulling the biggest punk known to man.
I seriously hope that's case. This weird and moody Joaquin who wants to be rapper is just freaking me out. I dunno, maybe something really is wrong with him...or he's just the best fucking actor in the world. What do you think?

Happy Thursday!

Sessions with Marya and Sarah Loves Falcor!!

We just love our grooves I guess

Hello Lovers~

So my cousin is in this awsome band called Free Henry! If you love music you will love them. Check them out I gave you a link to their site give 'em a listen let me know what you think! It's hard to pick my favorite song I really like their new stuff...and their old stuff. It's all good!!!

Give 'em a listen... ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE DOING IT!!!

http://www.freehenryband.com/
http://www.Myspace.com/FreeHenry

Lets talk Grooves

Since Sarah posted about her new music love I thought I would comment real quick on my music loves. I thought I would share with the world my Stoner Jamz playlist that I adore. My music is a bit obscure and this is a stoner jamz list so many of the songs have the same... "theme".

1) Come Around--Collie Buddz

2)Collie Man-- Slightly Stoopid

3)Phish-- Julius

4)Pack your Bowls--Kottonmouth Kings

5)2 am-- Slightly Stoopid

6) High Together-- Shwayze

7) Green Light-- John Legend

8)Everybody Knows-- John Legend

9) Kissing You-- Des'ree

10) My Medicine-- Snooooop Dizzle

11) I was Broken-- Rob Pattinson

12)Let me Sign-- R-Patz

13) Never Think-- R-Patz

14) Live High-- Jason Mraz

15) Sweetest Girl-- Wyclef

16) After Tonight-- Justin Nozuka

17) Santeria-- Sublime

18) Champagne & Reefer-- Black Crowes

19) Let the Music Play-- G.love

20) Unfinished Sympath-- Massive Attack

21) Grass-- Animal Collective

22) Mr. Larkin-- State Radio

23) Redemption Song-- Bob Marley

This is a collection of stoner staples... some new werid shit... and some of my girly favs (R-Patz <3)>

I also wanted to share this sahhhweeet new site that I found while stumbling the other day its called wolfgangsvault.com. The site has hundreds of recordings of live concerts mostly from bands that a lot of us weren't alive to see in their hay day. So if you love live good music and are sad that you weren't alive in the 70's check it out. Yesterday's featured concert was one from Bob Marley in Boston 1978. Thats pretty sweeeet I would say.

Thats all for now lovers.

peace.love.and.crunchygrooves.

Tunage Sophisticate

If you ever feel like broadening your musical horizons might I suggest the vitamin string quartet. It's a string quartet that does covers of pop, rock, metal, rap etc. songs. They have a million CDs and they're all brilliant. It's great music to study to, and it makes you feel so smart because even though it sounds like classical music, you're still listening to one of your favorite songs. Right now I'm listening to Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit and it's amazing. You can check it out for yourself here, and you can download their stuff on Itunes or from their site (just click on the title of this post)

Happy Listening!

Thoughts?

So unless you live under a rock, I'm sure you've heard of this whole Chris Brown and Rihanna thing. I don't know what to make of it yet. Most of the things I'm reading sound like rumors and hear-say. So I am asking all of you devoted Sessions readers to give me your thoughts. Do you think Chris Brown did beat up Rihanna? Did he use a weapon? Did he bite her?? What do you think will happen to him next? Do you think Rihanna will try and stay with him after all of this?

Sooo much to think about... You can check out the stories from the link I posted from Perezhilton.com (just click on the title of this entry) or just google Chris Brown and a bunch of other sites come up with the stories. I want to know what you can make of all of this!

What the Efff Grammys?

First.... Rihanna and Chris Brown dramz. He hit her supposedly and they both didn't show up to the grammys where Chris Brown was supposed to perform and in order to fill his spot they threw on some Justin Timberlake, which is just fine with me. Blah Blah Blah no one really knows details and just add two more publicists that want to jump of a bridge in Hollyweird. Lets move on to some more important news... lets talk dresses, or the lack there of. I know that the Grammys have a different feel and its ok to go funky and all that jazz but I can't pick one dress that was actually stlyish or appealing at all. What went wrong here people? Rachel Zoe... where are you? Why did you put Kate Beckensale in that monster of a dress which looked very very similar to Miley Cyrus' dress? Paula Abdul... FIRE YOUR SYLIST ALREADY! I guess, at least, she wasn't wearing a tiara. What was with all the extreme fabric stylings, either there was way to much fabric and the dress was over the top or the dress was boring... what the eff? A dress like Kim Kardashians was cute but a little just too crazy, but on the polar opposite side Duffy was wearing a frock that you would wear to your bosses cocktail party. So what happened here people? I know this event is different and its nothing like the oscars or the emmy's and that we are in a recession which is why almost no one was wearing big name designer gowns. However, I was uninspired by everyone's outfit and I'm royally pissed at the music community for letting me down. I count on you guys for some really awsome outfits that you can't wear any where else and you all were boring. So this a big Fuck you to all the stylists that decided to take a vacation for this one. Oh and one more thing STOP WITH THE MERMAID DRESSES ALREADY! I get that they are very form fitting and a gown at the same time but you all look silly trying to scurry around because you can't actually move your legs. I feel better now. Oscars are next week, you all better step up your game or.... or.... well I don't know but use your imagination.

Peace. Love. and Bad Outfits.

pics: usmagazine.com

The World I Someday Want to Live In...

I didn't believe Marya when she said she couldn't find any pictures of R-Patz or the Narnia guy with their shirt off. So I went looking for myself. Surprisingly, and very sadly she is correct. However, I did end up finding a lot of other pictures of my favorite hot celebs without their shirts on, which has led me to create another list:

The top 10 guys who should live their life without their shirts.

10. Robert Buckley

I have no idea who this is...I guess he's on that show Lipstick Jungle? I found his shirtless photos instead of Robert Pattinson, and I have to say Mama like. He should get a role in abetter show, or some movie other than Killer Movie so I can see more of him if you know what I mean...
(Image courtesy of mizposh.com)

9. Hunter Parrish

Swooon....Our favorite troubled youth and pot growing genius on Weeds hangs out without his shirt on most of the time on the show, and for this I am very grateful. Oh, and not to mention his gorgeous singing voice. Marya and I saw Spring Awakening when he was starring, and I can see why it was hard to be virtuous with him walking around looking and singing the way he does.

(Image courtesy of blogs.nypost.com)

8. Johnny Depp

Gotta love the Depp. Those tattoos and that rocker-bod are such a nice combination. Although he may not possess those rock hard abs I am such a fan of, I recognize the beauty of a guy who likes to keep it simple. He's got this bohemian thing going on that just does all the right things for him. You can pirate me, Captain Jack Sparrow...
(Image courtesy of bigoo.ws)

7. Zac Efron

Although I have a very hard time convincing myself that he's a straight man, Zac Efron must drive the ladies/men crazy. Why he chooses to share his "gift" with Vanessa-"mouseyface" Hudgens is beyond me, but I'm still holding out for the day when he dumps her and starts to date Robert Buckely (who I just found out is gay...figures, the hot ones always are) I think my head would explode at the thought of them as a couple. They could compare whose bod is hotter, I'm sure. Don't worry boys. You both made my list, and you can wrestle about it later...
(Image courtesy of zimbio.com)

6. Ryan Reynolds

It's an actual struggle to keep myself from drooling when I see Ryan Reynolds without a shirt. My favorite sans shirt Ryan is in The Amityville Horror when he's chopping wood, and he's pissed and he's sweaty...and I'm drooling again. It's so sad that he's married to someone my age, and her only claim to fame is that she's got huge boobs. Listen, Ryan...there are plenty of prettier girls who have big boobs...one happens to be writing this post as we speak, just sayin'. I mean, it could be worse, he could be married to Alanis Moorisette...that would be unreconcilable. Either way, Ryan Reynolds...you make shirts blush, so just keep them off.
(Image courtesy of entertainmentwise.com)

5. Matthew McConaughey

Well Matthew, you already live your life without your shirt on most of the time, so thank you for that. I appreciate the fact that you know you're hot and choose to flaunt it constantly. Now, if you could stop being such a complete lunatic....maaaybe we could hang out. Maybe.
(Image courtesy of blogs.nypost.com)

4. Brad Pitt

Two words...Fight Club. If there is anyone I would like to try out the phrase "washboard stomach" on, it would be Sir Bradley Pitt. I would gladly blow up financial buildings, grow backwards, and be a vampire at the same time just to even poke him with one finger. Dear sweet baby Jesus, thank you for putting Brad Pitt and his hot bod on this earth. Now if you could please get rid of Angelina Jolie, that would be super. Thanks so much. Hugs and Kisses, Sarah.
(Image courtesy of entertainmentwise.com)

3. Justin Timberlake

Oh JT, you've come such a long way since your NSYNC days and I am so glad you've stuck around. I guess from early on in the game you realized that you were the hot one, and you have kept to the credo very well. Once again, I'll never know why someone as hot as Justin Timberlake chooses to be with horse-faced Jessica Biel. I'd also like to to note that even though he gets a lot of flack for trying to be a black man, I give him props. He worked that slang and lifestyle in Alpha Dog and managed to be the only likable character in it, and he keeps doing all these collaborations with Rap artists in his music career. So whatever he's doing...he is doing it right, and that includes his gorgeous physique.
(Image courtesy of chronicles-of-jac-o.blogspot.com)

2. Jake Gyllanhaal My list would not be complete if Jake wasn't on it. Jake Gyllenhaal is hot. The end. I don't know what else to say about him besides every time I watch a movie with him in it, I feel like fainting. It's a very sad habit actually, but I don't really care. Just look at him, and have you seen the pics of him while shooting his next movie "The Prince of Persia"? He's fucking jacked...I can't wait for the movie to come out. you can take a look at the pics here. But just take a second to look at what I have provided here, I'll wait.....Right? Delicious. However, Reese must go....now.
(Image courtesy of flickr.com)
1. Channing Tatum

Channing Tatum is number one because the man cannot act his way out of a paper bag, but he gets roles in all these movies because he is damn sexy to look at. Mr. Channing started out as a model, and I believe he still models...mostly shirtless. Thank you to Dolce and Gabanna, Gap, Ecko Red, and Ducati for giving him work and giving me something to stare at. Oh, and a please dear God to his acting coach help the poor guy out. There's only so much bad acting I can take in one movie. God knows I can zone it all out and just pay attention to how pretty he is, but the guy can't be proud of the performances he's putting out, and I want him to stick around!

(Image courtesy of vn.myblog.yahoo.com)

So there it is, The prettiest of the pretty without their shirts. If only these little pictures in the moments of their lives went on for years. That is world I someday want to live in. So if any of you strapping young men happen to find this post while stumbling online, please do not hesitate to e-mail myself or Marya at sessionswithmaryaandsarah@gmail.com We would love to have a chat with you, and when I say chat, I mean play a game of strip Twister....or five.

Until next time kids, Remember to keep your shirts on unless I say it's ok to keep it off.