Happy Thanksgiving.

This Thanksgiving Sessions would like to give thanks to everyone who makes this blog possible. That includes, celebrities and their dumb decisions, good music, good movies, life's little oddities, and the people in our lives who encourage us to write it all down. Thank you for everything.

Personally I am thankful for my friends: Without them, I am not me. You are the best people I know. Thanks for being in my life.

We at Sessions hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday. Eat. Drink. Be merry. Oh, and please take the time to think of others who may not be as fortunate. Go help out at Soup Kitchen, or donate to a charity. Giving is the best way to say thanks for all that you have.

Also, to all those turkeys who are still alive today. I think you have the most to be thankful for...for now. muahaha. Happy Thanksgiving!

Nothing Really Matters but Mooiii!

Just a bit of silliness to brighten your day:

Til Death Do Us Part?

I was watching a story on the "Today Show" about this wife in Florida who hired an undercover cop as a hitman to murder her husband. So I thought, well ok that's pretty terrible, poor guy...Then I watched the rest of the story. Um, yeah. Maybe she had the right idea. People that stupid don't really belong on Earth anyway, and no this is not a harsh statement...watch the story for yourself below:


Yeah...first of all I think the FIRST time my spouse tried to kill me I'd be like, well...maybe this isn't working out. Don't stay with the bitch, you moron. I love when Matt asks about her Escort past and the dude is all like oh, no...why would she try to kill me bc she was an escort? Bitch is a gangster dude, She's taking you out to get to the cash. I have to give the girl some credit for persistence. But seriously? three times and you're like oh yeah, we should prob get a divorce. Lay off the steroids man, and get a clue.

Let me know your thoughts readers...why do you think the guy stayed in his murderous marriage? Is he a crayon short of 8 pack? Did he usually take anti-freeze in his tea? Or was he really in love with his lady escort? Love makes us do stupid things...but come on!

TW and R-Patz Sitting in a Tree...S-N-O-R-T-I-N-G

So it seems that what I thought were nasty rumors are actually true facts. Kristen Stewart (who will only be named once...there it was, her name to me will always be Twat Waffle, TW, or T-dubs for short) and Robert Pattinson are dating. Now fellow blog readers, you may know that I do love me some R-Patz, and despise me some T-Dubs, but I can't say that I am angered, nor upset by the pair. Nay, in fact, I am not in the least surprised that they are together. Reasons being? Well, I have 3 very valid points as to why this relationship shouldn't be news to anyone:

1. They're basically the same person except one has penis...who that is exactly? Well that's up for debate. They both rock the coke/grunge look from raiding Kurt Cobain's closet and then refusing to do their hair. They both have the same fuck-being-famous personality about them (except TW is a bit more bitchy about it) and they're both publicly awkward to boot. Making sense so far?

2. I guess this is going off being the same person, but they're both in the same boat at this point in their life, and they tend to share their experiences with one another. What I mean by this is they are both the big deals right now. Millions of girls want to rip R-Patz's clothes off on a daily basis as more and more people are "sucked" (pardon the pun) into this vampire craze daily, and millions of girls want to either ask what it's like to actually be able to rip off R-patz's clothes, or if they can punch her in the mouth (oh, that's just me?) So why not bare the brunt of this fame together? You're stuck with each other half the time anyway with photo shoots, promotional parties, and interviews, book/cd/dvd signings, etc...might as well be friends with the person you're stuck with. I also will forever remain convinced that they started out as coke buddies who then became fuck buddies, and now they're fuck buddies who hold hands (which is "together" I guess...) So they're together because they've been put together since the beginning.

and the third and most important reason the Twat and Cedric Diggory are now two birds of a feather is

3. They're Bella and Edward Mother-Fucking Cullen. What do you think this is doing for their popularity? Uh yeah, sending it straight to the bank. Magazines are goingt o be dying for photos of the now out and about couple holding hands, and kissing, and being on vacation...maybe even a sex tape I don't know (Dear God, if there is a sex tape please let it just be of him so I can watch it without throwing up everywhere, thanks a bunch.) It creates even more buzz for the Twilight franchise which means more coke money for T-dubs and R-Patz! All they need to do is get married, pop out a baby and dress it up as a vampire for halloween and they will be set for life. Seriously, TW and Rob being together is the best career move they have ever made.

So there you have it. A couple made in movie franchise heaven. I'm not upset that they're together, just more upset in R-Patz's taste in women, but then I have to remember my three points, and it just makes sense. So congrats Twat Waffle. You have bagged yourself a gorgeous Londoner who is almost as big as a broody fuck head as you are. I'm sure you two will be very happy. So I hope that means you'll be smiling more often instead of that snaggle-toothed snarl you put on your face most of the time. This blogger can only hope so much...

To all the sessions readers, I hope you find a match as perfect as Twatty McGhee and her man. Until next time, peace love & coke buddies.

Sessions Lives!!!!

Yes it is true. The wait is over. Sessions is back. We can stop crying over our sabbatical, and let's just pick up where we left off, shall we?

Where did we leave off? Well...graduation for one, saying goodbye to the greatest city in the world, for two, and thirdly splitting Marya and myself apart. The summer months flew past faster than I could have imagined and made me realize what I had lost since graduating college. How far the afternoons of hanging out, watching movies, being generally awesome, and coming up with posts for this blog seem to be. Where the only worries were unfinished homework and when we were down to our last green nugget. Before, life was about finding things to keep you entertained. Now life is filled with monetary obligations and finding the moola to pay for those obligations. So we have replaced classes with jobs and have tossed irresponsibility out of the window to make way for a straight-edged, adult lifestyle. My dear readers, I must confess. I think it's a load of horse shit.

If it weren't for the disgusting amount of loan money I am forced to pay back, I don't think I would actually give two shits about being a functioning member of society. I quote Marya while watching "Surfer Dude" one afternoon, "I think I would be ok just living in a shack by the beach, and surfing all day." Exactly, my friend. I agree one-hundred percent. Ah, but life has to be difficult, and here we are.

For this reason I am restarting Sessions. It is a chance to get away from those god-awful adult things that seem to be sucking the vitality from me and remember that life is not meant to be taken too seriously. I can still live in that shack by the sea if only through a silly comment about what a twat Kristen Stewart still is, or when a great song comes out that makes me want to dance in a library or something (btw that song is Sexy Bitch by David Guetta ft. Akon...download it now.) Welcome back to Sessions. We promise it will be just as ridiculous as if we had never received those college degrees in the first place.

Oh ps-Marya, please start writing again. Sessions isn't Sessions without you...it's just me talking about how much I love GQ. Miss you.