HANSON IS AWESOME.

I am returning after a long hiatus from the blog-o-sphere to express my utter heartbreak over not getting to meet Hanson yesterday. I may have mentioned the my college tuition is provided by many years of scooping ice cream at my family's summer ice cream business- which happens to be a Ben and Jerry's. It just happens to be the Ben and Jerry's on Main St in Hyannis which is where HANSON WAS YESTERDAY. Where was I? Oh ya at my grown up job in Boston. EPIC FAIL. How could this happen to me. The moment I have been waiting for my whole life passes me by due to the conventional restraints of society that scooping ice cream at 22 is not considered a "real job". While everyone else was swooning over N*SYNC AND BSB I was drooling over the original Boy Band. Look at the Jonas Bros they are such sell outs however it is the same formula that Hanson used and the Jonas' sound like chicks. If Disney had gotten their hands on Hanson it would have been a whole other story. But instead Hanson stayed true to themselves and their music.

I had to go buy another Middle of Nowhere CD back in the day because my original was listened to so much it started to skip. And yes I also had the Tulsa, Tokyo, and the Middle of Nowhere home video on VHS- and yes I still have it. They still are in main rotation on my ipod with their newer albums and those newer songs never disappoint. I actually remember being in Ben and Jerry's playing their albums and when people would ask this is good who is this- I could proudly reply Hanson- to their utter astonishment.

I also blame HANSON for my obsession with boys with long hair to this day. It is their fault however I'm not upset about it. Now they are all married with kids killing all my chances of becoming a MRS. HANSON one day.


I will be heading to the Cape tonight where Hanson will be playing at the Melody Tent, sadly I don't have tickets- I don't even know if there are tickets left, even sadder who the hell would go with me- you know actually if I found tickets I would find a wing man. I went last time they were in Hyannis at the Melody Tent and Frankie Muniz was there for some strange reason he came up to my elbow.

UGH... HANSON I love ya, hope you enjoyed your ice cream.
(stole the pic from their twitter)

Uncle Jesse is NOT a perv...but if he was, I would be ok with it.

Thanks to Miss Elissa for sending me this link, followed by a classic rant:

http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2010/07/12/attorney-actor-john-stamos-fling-year-old-student/


This bitch should riot in hell for her lies.... I find her story hard to believe, especially since the FBI found no such photos of him doing coke, etc. but ya know what? Even if he did, I DON'T CARE! How dare you try to extort money from him...... HE'S UNCLE JESSE!

Also, another reason why I'm not buying it, "She said Stamos offered to perform oral sex on Coss, but she declined"
Um......... What? Did I read that correctly? Declined? As in.... said 'no'???.... Who does that? Who gets offered oral or any other kind of sex form John Stamos and says no? LIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

I agree. Sex, LIES, and dumb bitches who need to keep their mouth shut.

New Music Discoveries...yay!

I love new music discoveries. The appropriately titled band Discovery is a side project of Ezra Koenig of Vampire Weekend and Wes Miles of Ra Ra Riot. This is their LP and it's fabulous. Their sound is best described as if Ra Ra Riot's driving electric beats and Vampire Weekend's preppy rock got together and had a love child, this cd would be the fruit of their loins. I recommend playing it with sunglasses on and the volume turned up. Check it out. You will not be disappointed. Just a sample below..but the rest of the cd is amazing as well. Happy listening, babies.

Osaka Loop Line-Discovery

Top 5 Best Songs According to Me

A lazy Friday afternoon redownloading all of my music, on limewire...which aided in my computer's destruction the first time. Oh well. I'll take the risk for free music. Anyway, today's topic may be discussed, argued for or against, or (if you have good taste) agreed upon. A list of my top 5 favorite songs.

5. Weezer- The Greatest Man That Ever Lived (Variations on a Shaker Hymn)



The first time I ever heard this song I literally freaked out due to sheer awesomeness, and again at their concert. Just try to listen to this song and not get pumped up. I suggest loud volume and a sing along to bring out its real potential.

4. Muse- Map of the Problematique


Another song that just gets you really pumped up. I always feel like I am on some sort of epic journey when this song plays, even if I'm just on my way to the store. Plus what Muse does with their guitars and drums makes me melt. It's an awesome combination of beautiful lyrics and a hard driving rock beat. Perfection.

3. Dave Matthews Band- Two Step


Among many other great DMB songs, this one just sticks with me. The lyrics are beautiful and since Dave Matthews is a creative genius, the different versions of this song being played live are always more exciting than the last. Let's not forget about the message. Life is short. Let's make it a celebration, and dance.

2. Lady Gaga- Just Dance


This song is it for me. Sung by my favorite pop artist since NSYNC, collaborating pop and dance music with fun and catchy lyrics. And it's about being drunk! This song is going to be played at my wedding, birth of my children, and funeral. Yes, Lady Gaga. You have it right. Just dance. Gonna be ok. Da da do do just dance!

1. Journey- Don't Stop Believin'


If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times. This is the best song ever made. Period. A rock anthem that will live way beyond its years, Don't Stop Believin' is perfection in every way. Besides the obvious catchiness and lyrics that you can't help but to sing along to, this song will be popular because it is accessible in so many ways. Whether you listen to it at work, or while you're out, listen to it to cheer yourself up, or listen to it when you're already feeling good. This song will always just get you going. Journey, you win with this song. The end.

And there you have it. If you have any songs that you think are amazing beyond all reason, please leave a comment. However, challenge me on my number one pick and you will be wrong. Don't Stop Believin' shouldn't just be my choice for the #1 spot, it should be for America, and quite possibly the world. Just sayin'.

Shake Weight...Perverse? Or Genius?

Sessions has a new segment simply titled "dumb commercials." This section will be dedicated to all of the tv advertisements that should have never made it passed the drawing board, let alone land on our screens. It is also dedicated to those products that just miss the mark in so many ways. Today's is a doozy. The shake weight, and now...the shake weight for men.
Kudos to the pervert who invented it. No this is not some dirty minded thing, the shake weight's movement cannot be mixed up with anything else. There is no other type of workout to mimic that movement except for well....jerking someone off. But hey, the person certainly had the right idea. I guess they just didn't have any say for the commercial. Although with the shake weight, it's just pretty self-explanatory what you're supposed to do. Have a look:



yeah ladies...work out those arms...think of your boyfriend....and if it breaks, just use him instead. Same thing. You'll feel the results after only one workout.

Men, couldn't leave you out...but what's with the grunting dudes?



Yeah...I know the commercial is supposed to be manly or something, but for some reason it still screams "gay porn" at me. It'll kick. your. butt...Ooh that's it. Now bring on the orgy!

Shake Weight, although you sort of win for most practical workout, you have an epic fail on your hands commercially, and quite literally for a matter of fact.
If anyone has any other dumb products they would like to discuss, please leave a comment. Comments make our shake weights work extra hard.

Unnaturally Good Looking...Damnit.

Just a quick post before I go to bed. I mean I could possibly go on and on about just seeing Twilight: Eclipse, but Jesus there just aren't that many hours in a day. Bottom line, loved the movie...a step up from New Moon and leaps and bounds over that piece of shit movie Twilight.

Ah, but I digress. No, what I wanted to talk about today is the fact that every single actor in that movie is too gorgeous for words. I am more specifically referencing to Taylor Lautner. The fact that an 18 year old can look that good, is just not right. I am not ok with it. I am reminded of a Family Guy episode where Peter goes on a rant about Lindsay Lohan. I would like to reiterate this rant with my own personal spin:

You know what really grinds my gears? This Taylor Lautner. Taylor Lautner with all those shirtless scenes, jumping around there on screen, half-naked with your abs. Ya know? You're a... You're out there jumping around and I'm just sitting here with my popcorn. So, what am I supposed to do? What you want? You know, are we gonna go out? Is that what you're trying to - why why are you leaping around there, showing me your muscles and fighting skills, over there in my face? What do you want, Taylor? Tell me what you want? Well, I'll tell you what you want, you want nothing. You want nothing. All right? Because we all know that nobody in Twilight wants to have sex with anyone, and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is - is just bogus.

Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattinson, Kellan Lutz, and now Xavier Samuel, are all out to destroy me with their good looks and just enough acting skill to keep me interested. Whoever hired these guys deserves a fucking raise...and me as their assistant so that I may (even for a second before I get thrown out for physical assault) look at these gorgeous creatures...and tell them to take their clothes off, err...for the role of course.

Well before this turns into some type of creepy fan fiction, I am off to bed. Taylor Lautner, you're legal now...and if I should ever see you in the street I am punching you in the jaw before I frantically try to make out with you. Just letting you know. Goodnight.

I don't like that song...Are those drums I hear?

I don't understand why many radio stations today are adding a techno beat to songs that just shouldn't have one...Do they think it makes the song sound better because you maybe sway along to the beat? Uh, no. Wrong. If the song was shit before, it's still shit now with synthesizers and a driving drum beat. In some cases I think the song is made worse by adding the extra fluff. My two prime examples are Need You Now by Lady Antebellum and Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Buble.
Ok first of all, how that god awful country song landed on the top 40 station is beyond me. I don't know if the general radio listening population also felt this way and that's why they decided to give it the techno spin, but it's still a country song on a top 40 station. Now it just sounds more ridiculous than it did before.
As far as Michael Buble's song...why was it necessary to tamper with the song in the first place? He's a crooner!! How offensive. A classic style turned into today's vapid junk? I am severely disappointed in whoever mixed that song and allows it to be played on the radio on a daily basis. Appalled.
So here is what I say to the radio stations out there who think that turning either already shitty music or music that was fine the way it was into something all techno...leave it alone. It doesn't sound better, it doesn't add more appeal, it just sounds stupid.
Sessions has spoken.

Silly Bands...Make a silly chain, and hang yourself silly.

I am no stranger to ridiculous fads. I am pretty sure there are over 200 beanie babies in a box in my basement, I found a collection of pogs in the depths of my closet, and I still remember the different patterns for lanyard keychain making. So I ask, why do these silly bands piss me off so much? It's not that they add insult to the regular rubber band by being in the shape of animals/letters/presidents of the united states etc...or that kids tend to wear so many of them their arms soon resemble a multi-neon-colored lumpy sweater.
No I think what bothers me most is just how absurdly popular this fad has become among children and adults. Kids, fine go ahead pile those damn bands on your arm until you can't lift them anymore. If you happen to be over the age of 10, take those damn things off your wrist- you look like a moron. Do you realize you have a pink rubber zebra on your arm? Unless you plan on tying it in your hair or getting that stack of papers to finally stay put, you have no earthly use for such a thing.
Chalk it up to old age, I guess. I just find this useless fad completely embarrassing to the name of past useless fads. Pogs at least promoted gambling, silly bands promote rubber chemicals exposed to your skin, and where is the fun in that?
If you have any other fads you'd like to duscuss, leave a comment. I have recently discovered that people actually read this blog, and I would love to hear what you think. Until then. Get that orange spaceship off your wrist before I slit it with a pokemon card.

For all the dirty minds...

For all the people with their minds in the gutter (like myself) does this commercial just miss the mark for you?


Yeeaahh....coulda came up with a better name for that....

I don't even think the 80's would like this back...

There is an epidemic in Central PA. There is an alarmingly large population of people with mullets. I for one, am truly disgusted that this hair cut is still legal to wear about in public. I am even more ashamed that the people here are unaware that mullets are ridiculous. See for yourself.
It's wrong. I don't know which indecisive idiot invented this awful do. And don't fall behind the old slogan of "Business in the front and party in the back" That is just encouraging it. I'm sorry, but I would neither like to do business nor party with someone with anyone sporting that abortion of a hair cut.


The mullet adds further effrontery by actually being considered an option for a woman's hair cut. To the "ladies" all over central PA currently sporting this hair-do, I say only this. Shave it all off and let it grow back in again. You already look ridiculous.

There were only two people on Earth who looked good in a mullet and it was only because it was the eighties and everything looked bad. Those two people were John Stamos and Billy Ray Cyrus. So Central PA mullet bearers I implore you for the sake of being taken seriously, take your ass down to the barber's/salon and take care of that mess on top of head and lying on your shoulders. Or I will be forced to take some scissors of justice to your head myself.


John Stamos, if you ever read this blog; You have great hair. Don't change at all. Love, Sarah.

Oh My God We're Back Again

I apologize for once again abandoning this blog. I always think of clever things I want to write about, and then for some reason or another (usually laziness) I just don't...

I understand that this blog started out as a random look at life from two of the most awesome people I know, and in some ways it still is, if Marya ever decides to write again...but we are left with me, and so...Sessions will be still be Sessions, but it will have to be from my point of view, and about the going-ons in my little world. Oh sure, it won't be exciting news that one could find in NY. But I have found that York, PA has its own set of quirks, and the people in it are just if not more worthy of comment.

My recent venture has been to find a solid group of friends to surround myself with so I don't succumb to bashing my head against a wall for fun (for the record, it's not...) That is where my current job has come in. I have succeeded in doing so, and although my heart will always be with those certain persons in NY, the friends I have made here have provided me with so much already. Which leads to another point in why I need to start writing again...

If this blog has taught you anything about me, it is that I love gossip, and the gossip at work is so juicy I have considered starting a gossip girl type blog dedicated to the going-ons of what I will now be referring to as 1087. There are other nicknames I use for the people who work there, and I hope I do not confuse you too much if I ever write about them. But back to the gossip...it's ridiculous. 1087 is like a little town and everyone knows each others' business. Oh it is simply too delicious to handle most of the time. The weird love triangles, and gay rumors, and petty spats, loves it. But this is all for another time. Just wanted to let you know some of the things you might start to see.

Anyway, what I really wanted to write about today was about my goal to find fellow smokers in PA. It has been a very long and arduous task. Coming from a place where it was so openly discussed and traded among my friends to a place where I couldn't tell who did and who didn't (well, that's not completely true, there are some people who I have seen and just "know") has sent me on what I will call a noble quest. This quest has lead me to meet a white gangster who schooled me in 90s rap at 3am, A very attractive electrician with a brain the size of a small pebble, two 19 year olds with whom I had a very long discussion about the pros and cons of eating and passing a plastic bottle through your system vs a glass one, an out-there musician who took me through half of his music library while I pretended to be interested at least a quarter of the way through, and a new friend who knows how to take the wheel while you light a bowl. With that said I have also learned that in PA people smoke in sheds not basements, and PA has so many back roads it is impossible to be found by the cops, and burn cruises are the choice way to smoke. Now, I haven't found someone yet to be a smoking buddy, but I am well on my way. Until then, I think it will be fun to write about my little get togethers with the smokers of York, PA. They are an interesting bunch.

So Sessions is back again, slightly modified, but back nonetheless. As always it shall be filled with quirkiness and thoughtful...err thoughts. Until next time. Peace, love, and sessions.

Raw Talent

Just a quick post dedicated to all the raw talent out there in the world. As a somewhat internet surfing junkie I have come across my fair share of videos of amateur singers, musicians, actors, comedians, etc. Besides my thanks for hour hours of entertainment, I would like to say that these people who post these videos could be more talented than some of the "talent" in the industry. Part of me hopes they are discovered so they can share this talent with everyone, but isn't being undiscovered and raw part of their charm? If everyone knew about it...would it be as special? Probably, but not as charming. At least it wouldn't be to me. Anyway, before I go off on some long-winded tangent-- To all the amateurs out there doing what they love whether it be singing an awesome a capella version of Lady Gaga's Bad Romance or just playing their piano, I salute you. You are truly amazing.

Jay Leno Can Suck It

NBC is reporting that after low ratings of the Jay Leno Show, they will be moving the show to the later 11:35 time slot, making it a half hour, and pushing the rest of its late night programming back. Leaving Conan to start at 12:05am, and Jimmy Fallon at 1:05am. This has started a prgramming nightmare for NBC with the fate of both Leno's and O'Brien's show hanging in the air. Fox is even talking to Conan O'Brien about splitting from NBC and starting a show on their network. Once again NBC you have really screwed the pooch.

First of all, Why the hell are we still fighting over Leno? He quit! This is how Conan ended up with the Tonight Show job in the first place. Obviously his ratings suck at 10pm and now NBC wants to bump him to his old time slot? How about you do what you do to any other show that isn't doing well. AXE IT! The guy is fucking things up for everyone else. Sorry Jay, you had a good run, but give it up!

Second of all, Conan on Fox is absurd. Just as absurd as Conan in California is. How about this NBC? Bring Conan back to NY give him back his old show...bump that chode Jimmy Fallon off the air and Keep your precious Leno in California.

This also puts Carson Daly in jeopardy of losing his late night show..but really? Who the hell watches that anyway?

You did this to yourself NBC, Jay Leno is causing all sort of problems for every one of your late night shows, and I'm sorry, if you decide to axe Conan and keep Leno...not only are you going to be losing this viewer, but I am sure many of your late night viewers around my age...which is pretty much the demographic you need to keep yourself at the top of the ratings at night. Letterman, and Kimmel are laughing at you NBC. Knock the shit off, and get rid of Jay Leno.

Let me know what you think readers...do you think NBC should Keep Jay Leno and bump the rest of the late night schedule to accomodate him? Or is it finally time for the Leno era to end?