Sessions has a new segment simply titled "dumb commercials." This section will be dedicated to all of the tv advertisements that should have never made it passed the drawing board, let alone land on our screens. It is also dedicated to those products that just miss the mark in so many ways. Today's is a doozy. The shake weight, and now...the shake weight for men.
Kudos to the pervert who invented it. No this is not some dirty minded thing, the shake weight's movement cannot be mixed up with anything else. There is no other type of workout to mimic that movement except for well....jerking someone off. But hey, the person certainly had the right idea. I guess they just didn't have any say for the commercial. Although with the shake weight, it's just pretty self-explanatory what you're supposed to do. Have a look:
yeah ladies...work out those arms...think of your boyfriend....and if it breaks, just use him instead. Same thing. You'll feel the results after only one workout.
Men, couldn't leave you out...but what's with the grunting dudes?
Yeah...I know the commercial is supposed to be manly or something, but for some reason it still screams "gay porn" at me. It'll kick. your. butt...Ooh that's it. Now bring on the orgy!
Shake Weight, although you sort of win for most practical workout, you have an epic fail on your hands commercially, and quite literally for a matter of fact.
If anyone has any other dumb products they would like to discuss, please leave a comment. Comments make our shake weights work extra hard.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Unnaturally Good Looking...Damnit.
Just a quick post before I go to bed. I mean I could possibly go on and on about just seeing Twilight: Eclipse, but Jesus there just aren't that many hours in a day. Bottom line, loved the movie...a step up from New M
oon and leaps and bounds over that piece of shit movie Twilight.
Ah, but I digress. No, what I wanted to talk about today is the fact that every single actor in that movie is too gorgeous for words. I am more specifically referencing to Taylor Lautner. The fact that an 18 year old can look that good, is just not right. I am not ok with it. I am reminded of a Family Guy episode where Peter goes on a rant about Lindsay Lohan. I would like to reiterate this rant with my own personal spin:
You know what really grinds my gears? This Taylor Lautner. Taylor Lautner with all those shirtless scenes, jumping around there on screen, half-naked with your abs. Ya know? You're a... You're out there jumping around and I'm just sitting here with my popcorn. So, what am I supposed to do? What you want? You know, are we gonna go out? Is that what you're trying to - why why are you leaping around there, showing me your muscles and fighting skills, over there in my face? What do you want, Taylor? Tell me what you want? Well, I'll tell you what you want, you want nothing. You want nothing. All right? Because we all know that nobody in Twilight wants to have sex with anyone, and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is - is just bogus.
Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattinson, Kellan Lutz, and now Xavier Samuel, are all out to destroy me with their good looks and just enough acting skill to keep me interested. Whoever hired these guys deserves a fucking raise...and me as their assistant so that I may (even for a second before I get thrown out for physical assault) look at these gorgeous creatures...and tell them to take their clothes off, err...for the role of course.
Well before this turns into some type of creepy fan fiction, I am off to bed. Taylor Lautner, you're legal now...and if I should ever see you in the street I am punching you in the jaw before I frantically try to make out with you. Just letting you know. Goodnight.
oon and leaps and bounds over that piece of shit movie Twilight.Ah, but I digress. No, what I wanted to talk about today is the fact that every single actor in that movie is too gorgeous for words. I am more specifically referencing to Taylor Lautner. The fact that an 18 year old can look that good, is just not right. I am not ok with it. I am reminded of a Family Guy episode where Peter goes on a rant about Lindsay Lohan. I would like to reiterate this rant with my own personal spin:
You know what really grinds my gears? This Taylor Lautner. Taylor Lautner with all those shirtless scenes, jumping around there on screen, half-naked with your abs. Ya know? You're a... You're out there jumping around and I'm just sitting here with my popcorn. So, what am I supposed to do? What you want? You know, are we gonna go out? Is that what you're trying to - why why are you leaping around there, showing me your muscles and fighting skills, over there in my face? What do you want, Taylor? Tell me what you want? Well, I'll tell you what you want, you want nothing. You want nothing. All right? Because we all know that nobody in Twilight wants to have sex with anyone, and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is - is just bogus.
Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattinson, Kellan Lutz, and now Xavier Samuel, are all out to destroy me with their good looks and just enough acting skill to keep me interested. Whoever hired these guys deserves a fucking raise...and me as their assistant so that I may (even for a second before I get thrown out for physical assault) look at these gorgeous creatures...and tell them to take their clothes off, err...for the role of course.
Well before this turns into some type of creepy fan fiction, I am off to bed. Taylor Lautner, you're legal now...and if I should ever see you in the street I am punching you in the jaw before I frantically try to make out with you. Just letting you know. Goodnight.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
I don't like that song...Are those drums I hear?
I don't understand why many radio stations today are adding a techno beat to songs that just shouldn't have one...Do they think it makes the song sound better because you maybe sway along to the beat? Uh, no. Wrong. If the song was shit before, it's still shit now with synthesizers and a driving drum beat. In some cases I think the song is made worse by adding the extra fluff. My two prime examples are Need You Now by Lady Antebellum and Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Buble.
Ok first of all, how that god awful country song landed on the top 40 station is beyond me. I don't know if the general radio listening population also felt this way and that's why they decided to give it the techno spin, but it's still a country song on a top 40 station. Now it just sounds more ridiculous than it did before.
As far as Michael Buble's song...why was it necessary to tamper with the song in the first place? He's a crooner!! How offensive. A classic style turned into today's vapid junk? I am severely disappointed in whoever mixed that song and allows it to be played on the radio on a daily basis. Appalled.
So here is what I say to the radio stations out there who think that turning either already shitty music or music that was fine the way it was into something all techno...leave it alone. It doesn't sound better, it doesn't add more appeal, it just sounds stupid.
Sessions has spoken.
Ok first of all, how that god awful country song landed on the top 40 station is beyond me. I don't know if the general radio listening population also felt this way and that's why they decided to give it the techno spin, but it's still a country song on a top 40 station. Now it just sounds more ridiculous than it did before.
As far as Michael Buble's song...why was it necessary to tamper with the song in the first place? He's a crooner!! How offensive. A classic style turned into today's vapid junk? I am severely disappointed in whoever mixed that song and allows it to be played on the radio on a daily basis. Appalled.
So here is what I say to the radio stations out there who think that turning either already shitty music or music that was fine the way it was into something all techno...leave it alone. It doesn't sound better, it doesn't add more appeal, it just sounds stupid.
Sessions has spoken.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Silly Bands...Make a silly chain, and hang yourself silly.
I am no stranger to ridiculous fads. I am pretty sure there are over 200 beanie babies in a box in my basement, I found a collection of pogs in the depths of my closet, and I still remember the different patterns for lanyard keychain making. So I ask, why do these silly bands piss me off so much? It's not that they add insult to the regular rubber band by being in the shape of animals/letters/presidents of the united states etc...or that kids tend to wear so many of them their arms soon resemble a multi-neon-colored lumpy sweater.
No I think what bothers me most is just how absurdly popular this fad has become among children and adults. Kids, fine go ahead pile those damn bands on your arm until you can't lift them anymore. If you happen to be over the age of 10, take those damn things off your wrist- you look like a moron. Do you realize you have a pink rubber zebra on your arm? Unless you plan on tying it in your hair or getting that stack of papers to finally stay put, you have no earthly use for such a thing.
Chalk it up to old age, I guess. I just find this useless fad completely embarrassing to the name of past useless fads. Pogs at least promoted gambling, silly bands promote rubber chemicals exposed to your skin, and where is the fun in that?
If you have any other fads you'd like to duscuss, leave a comment. I have recently discovered that people actually read this blog, and I would love to hear what you think. Until then. Get that orange spaceship off your wrist before I slit it with a pokemon card.
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