Piles and Piles of....homework

It's the Tuesday before spring break and the sessions crew is stressing out. So not normal for us.
I don't know why professors feel it is ok to pile on work the week before we're due for a break, and then pile on more work to complete over the break. It's a tad evil...no wait, more like extremely wrong. Do they remember what it was like to be in college? No one wants to do homework over break. No one WILL do homework over the break. Wouldn't it be easier to save themselves marking all the terrible papers written day of 2 hours before class, to just wait until after break so they can grade quality papers? There's something sinister about it all.
I hope everyone else is having a better week. It's 1pm and I feel like drinking heavily, just to give you a clue into my day so far. Keep it at a sane level kids.
peace.

LINDSAY LOHAN'S NEW MOVIE STRAIGHT TO ABC FAMILY

OMG...hahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha. Ok done. Ha! Ok really done. So that movie Lindsay was working on where she had to pretend she was pregggerz "Labor Pains" is going to go straight to ABC Family and then released on DVD a month later just like "Picture This" that Ashley Tisdale disaster or that MTV moive "American Mall". Wow Lindz you've really done it this time. Move of the week? Next it will be dancing with the stars and you'll get kicked off first because no one will vote to save you. I know she just gave the speech in NYLON about how people should leave her alone and if the media didn't make her out to be such a bitch she would be hired more. Well, Lindsay where there's smoke there's fire. Also, you are a public figure the Paps love you complaining is not going to make them go away its just going to egg them on. So, maybe just change your lifestyle and not be such a crazy person/raging slut.I mean if people are watching and there isn't anything you can do about it, and thats what is effecting your career... my first guess would be to calm down. AND STOP DOING CLUB APPEARANCES kinda goes against the whole I have a substance abuse problem but I go to rehab and I have it under control... just saying.

Ok theres my lindsay rant for today. Let's all take a moment to laugh that her new movie is straight to TV, and we will try to never speak of her again. This will be the only free press she gets from us.

thats all for today lovers
peace.love.and.hilarity

pic:fillr.com

Growing up sucks...

Just a quick post, I promise...
More of a question really...why do I hate college so much? Besides the whole senioritis thing, I should be pretty cool with college. I am graduating on time, with good grades, and I have had the time of my life here. Yet, I hate this place so much that I feel like spitting on anything and everything Hofstra University. Mainly, I think that my senioritis has gotten so bad, that I can't even stomach the thought of class anymore. I literally stay awake at night conjuring up ways so that I don't have to go to class in the morning. It's really becoming a problem. It's also like a catch 22. I hate this place so much, but I never want to leave it. I don't want to graduate, I am not excited to graduate, or to be graduated. I am desperately trying to hold on to some form of adolescence with little luck as it seems that everything in the world is forcing me to grow up. That's just not how I roll. I like being silly, and I like being "young" and everything in my world is just...not that way.
I don't want to go into the whole logistics of getting older, and how scary it is and blah blah blah...I know, I know all of this. The thing is, why? Isn't there some way to grow up, but still maintain that fun-and-fancy-free way of life? Right now it seems like a big N-O, and I gotta tell ya, that is seriously the most fucking depressing thing in my world right now.
Any advice, friends?

Is MTV's "The City" worth watching?

I am a dedicated Hills fan. I never missed an episode of Laguna Beach or the "The Hills" and when I found out my favorite one of Lauren's sidekicks Whitney Port would be moving to my city and working at DVF... I mean pretty much living my dream I was beyond words. However, Whit is boring. I don't care if Lauren's drama is scripted she at least had something to look forward to each week. If "The City" is scripted which parts of it definitely are Whitney is not an actress. So much of it is just forced and you can tell that those girls really are not friends. Whitney, darling, Jay was in it to get famous we all knew from the beginning. Maybe you did too. Maybe this is all really bad scripted reality and you are laughing all the way to the bank. I love NYC nightlife and just the culture and life of NYC, but where is it in the show? The city itself should be a character on the show. And what about Allie the model and her stupid bar manager boyfriend? OMG! Just stop. You guys aren't Heidi and Spencer your drama is so fake and she always takes him back. And! He's a pussy always like i love you baby, your my one true love... but I'm going to go mack some chick?... while being followed by cameras and mics. Really?! Really?! It just isn't as great as I want it to be. Whitney you are living the dream so many girls would kill to have... so ACTUALLY LIVE IT! Stop complaining, listen to Olivia she doesn't want to be your Lauren, and start living your life in NYC. Then maybe the show will be interesting... maybe. High hopes for next season... and "The Hills" is coming back in two weeks for the final season soooooooo excited and sad at the same time. I'm going to miss stalking Lauren's life.

Thats all for now lovers.

peace.love.and.fakies.

Your daily FML

I love living vicariously through the pain and suffering of others. I consider it part of my charm. So when I found fmylife.com, you can imagine how enthused I was. It's an entire site dedicated to life's little fucked up moments. Usually I sit an read it while I'm at work, and I must look so weird LOL-ing to the computer screen. Anyway, if you haven't been to fmylife.com, please check it out. It's an instant pick-me-up for those shitty days. Here are a few especially funny ones I was looking at today.

"Today, the phone kept ringing but there was only silence on the other line. The third time I yelled, "What the fuck is your fucking problem asshole!? Get a fucking life shithead!" and hung up. Then the pastor's wife called and explained that she mistakingly set her phone on mute. FML"

"Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML"

"Today, while I was out to eat, I was approached by the restaurant manager. He told me that while he respected my personal choices, his patrons didn't feel comfortable with someone who used to be a man using the women's restroom. He thought I was a transsexual. I am a naturally-born female. FML"

"Today, me and my boyfriend came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we proceeded to have sex. Just as it was getting good my phone rings. It was a text from my mom, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell your faking." FML"

and the funniest....

"Today, I was swimming in the ocean with my best friend and a giant wave came and knocked off the bottom of my bikini. My friend told me that she would go get another bottom so I could walk onto the very crowded beach. She left me for half an hour, laughing from the shore with her entire family. FML"

Try to have a good day lovers!

Team Jen

Ok, so Jennifer Aniston was dumped by John Mayer People are confirming. They were my couple, I'm devastated I don't care what anyone says I loved them together. They were obviously not right for each other, but I just wanted it to last. John is a player and Jen is getting on in her years and probably wants to settle down. Maybe not with kids, but definitely something steady she can rely on and stop looking. I feel so bad for her. She is so pretty, and has a pretty good career, super famous, serious cash, but no love. Fucking Angelina. No! Whatever, I know what your thinking "I love Angelina blah blah blah". Well I am totally Team Jen all the way. Brad is an idiot. Or maybe there is something wrong with her maybe shes super crazy and insecure or something either way I think we'd be bffs. Do some yoga, smoke some cheeb, go tanning. Jennifer Aniston always has the most perfect tan, does anyone else notice that? And I love her style you can always expect something a little hippie chic from her at the big awards usually a long white or light dress, perfect tan, natural make up, and her hair down. Simple and perfect. She's like me except way skinnier, tanner and richer and famous-er if that was a word. I thought her and John Mayer were great. They could hang out, smoke some herb, fiddle with his guitars. She was the hippie chick to his rocker, she seemed like the perfect arm candy for him. But you can't keep a rocker down he must spread his seed.

So Jen I'm rooting for you, and if you ever wanna hang out I'm in the NYC area and will be in LA beginning of April. Hit me up. We'll smoke and hang out on the beach? Sound good?

That's all for now lovers.

just.peace.and.love.

Swoooooon!

If you didn't know this about me, I think that Zach Braff and myself would get along famously. Recently, a picture of him doing a little puff-puff-pass has surfaced on Perez Hilton. All I have to say is Zach, I live on Long Island. I know you're in the city right now...let's make a date.

Is Joaquin Phoenix the next Andy Kaufman?

I can't get enough of this whole Joaquin Phoenix nonsense. He was in Miami last night doing a "show" at some nightclub when some person in the crowd started to heckle him. Well you know Joaquin Phoenix...gotta watch his rep and all, does an effin' nose dive into the crowd and tackles the heckler!! Does anyone else think this makes for great movie material? Oh, wait, Casey Affleck does. That's why he was there with his camera crew. At first the whole thing was pretty annoying. Oh Joaquin Phoenix is all dark, broody and hobo-looking and he wants to rap booo...Now, I just can't wait until this "documentary" comes out. It's going to be hilarious. One day Joaquin Phoenix is going to shave his mountain-man beard and take off those shades and be like, oh heeey just kidding. Uh...we know Joaquin, WE KNOW!!
Although I am too young to say I remember when Andy Kaufman did the same thing, but he did didn't he? Joaquin must be doing the whole Kaufmanesque shtick. I love how he's taking it to the absolute limit though. It makes for a much more hilarious punchline in the end.
So Joaquin Phoenix, you nutty little thing...Whether you're joking or not, you make me laugh. Kudos to you, for either being the craziest mofo out there, or the best actor in the biz.
In case you live under a rock and haven't seen the video of Kaufman 2000 taking taking the party-pooper out, here it is. Enjoy!

As promised... Art Is A Funny Thing

Art is a funny thing. You take it for granted most of the time because you probably don't realize the art around you. To create art is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. To create good art is almost impossible for me... or at least I thought it was. I have learned how to paint, how to sketch, how to sculpt, how to carve and mold metal, how to decorate a cake and none of it was easy for me... except maybe decorating cakes I guess whipped cream likes me. I was always a numbers girl. I took advanced math and science...well I took advanced everything in high school actually, but no art. I always wanted to take art, but my parents and school guidance counselors always pushed me to go into a field of math or science where there were less girls so that I would do well in life. This philosophy should be killed. I would be a shell of a person if I did not, finally in college, try my hand at creating. My brain was not equipped, however, with the tools to use that part of your brain opposite from the number crunching, the creating part. My ability to see things in my head and translate them into a physical form or picture has been challenging to say the least, making my brain actually hurt at times. I never thought I would make it through even the basic of art classes, especially because of one terrible, awful professor. What I didn't know, was that I was already an artist in my own right. I love clothes. Love. Love. Love clothes. I always have and I always will. There is a science and a math to clothes as well as an art. The physics of cuts and seams and what styles look good on what bodies and what accessories will make an outfit better is a measure of balance. If I have a special occasion coming up I will mull over the details of that outfit for weeks mostly because I love it but also because I love getting it right. I also love to edit my roomies outfits for them (love you guys :) In my friends and family's recognition of my love for clothes I have been given plenty of books on the art of dressing with authors including by not limited to Rachel Zoe (love you), and Nina Garcia. The one true thing that these women and others stress and I have learned to cherish is find your inspiration. Inspiration comes from everywhere. I am now required to carry 2 sketch books around at all times to be filled and passed in for grades. The idea is to sketch anything and everything that inspires me. I sketch anything from a textile, to an outfit, to a bush or flower anything and everything. There is no better therapy or way to make your life seem more beautiful than to make yourself want to be inspired. Does that make sense? If you are always looking for inspiration you are always looking for beauty, in the conventional sense or not you are looking or rather you are asking the universe to send you something inspiring. It's spiritual I guess. We all have artistic ability in one way or another. What's yours?

peace.love.and.creation.


p.s. I have Slightly Stoopid's "Collie Man" stuck in my head... its not so terrible

pic:su blackwell

It's Still Funny

Does anyone remember that tv show on Fuse called "Behind the Music that Sucks"? It was a parody of BTM obviously, but it was animated with a jib-jabesque cartoon scheme. They mostly made fun of the grous that were popular around 1999-2000 like Britney Spears, Mariah Carey, and Christina Aguilera, but they also poked fun at idols like Billy Joel. Anyway, the show was hilarious. My brother recently found probably the funniest of the episodes; their parody of Nsync. You can watch it below. If you don't think this is hilarious especially around -1:13, or -:58 then I don't know what's wrong with you. I'm still laughing at it right now and I have seen this video so many times! Enjoy!

More funny videos like the "Behind the music that sucks: NSYNC" at Heavy.com

I Hate U2

I don't feel the need to elaborate. I cannot stand U2. I cannot stand Bono. I don't know what it is I just...guhh... want to kick cute and fuzzy animals whenever the two subjects come up. The music just does not appeal to me and I don't understand why Bono is like a model American. Can someone explain that? Is he even a citizen? I know this kind of makes me sound small minded, but its the truth he annoys me. I hear the new album that was leaked is terrible, maybe even worst ever. That makes me happy, but people will still buy it and that makes me sad. That is all.

I am obsessed with Kings of Leon right now though... LOVE THEM.

peace.love.and.good.music.

pic:wordpress.com

Guys w/ Swagger

GQ's new issue is about the top 10 most stylish men in America. We at Sessions can appreciate a guy who is well dressed, and cares about it. Congrats to you gentlemen for setting the example for all the other "dudes" out there who look like impoverished children. Justin Timberlake came out on top, and the other stylistos included T.I., Jason Shwartzman, and of course, Kanye West.
You look good, men. Keep setting the fashion bar high for all the other "bros" out there who could really use a make-over.
You can read the interview with Justin Timberlake (which is actually very funny) here.
The slideshow of the Top 10 can be found here.

Happy Fashion.

Fake Date!

A few things...
First, let's all take a minute to wish Marya a speedy recovery from whatever she has because it's not fun being the only Sessions blogger with her being on her death bed...all...deathly and stuff. Get well soon, love!
Second, I love that because I post all these blogs about Kristen Stewart, Google has made the ads all about her on the sidebar. Crap. hmmm let's see if I can change that a bit
Coach bags, DSW Shoes, Shia Labouf, Jake Gyllenhaal, Kevin Bacon, American Apparel, Forever 21, Urban Outfitters, Louis Vuitton, Prada....hope that helps our little ad situation.
Third...and pertaining to the title of this post, I have a faux-date tonight. For my American Sign Language class, I have to attend two deaf related events. There happens to be a deaf school in Nesconsett where there is a deaf magic show tonight and I will be going with this guy in my class. We'll call him Lewis.
Not so interesting, right? Well the thing is it's been a joke (for quite a while now) between Marya and myself that Lewis and I are fake dating. We always seem to end up going on these random faux-dates. Last year he went with me to my sorority's annual, and we always seem to bump into each other at random functions and end up hanging out. Don't get the wrong idea...I'm pretty sure that Lewis is at least half homosexual, if not completely asexual. So I'm not planning on putting out my moves or anything for him. I do plan, however to look extremely hot as if this were a date...I just think it's funnier that way.
Oh, here's another reason why we're fake dating. I'm "meeting" his family tonight. His brother is home from college and Lewis wanted to drop in and say hello. This relationship is moving too fast if you ask me!
So that's how I will be spending my Friday night. I hope all of you out there enjoy your Fridays in the way that makes you most happy. If you have a funny dating story, similar to my situation or not, we'd love to hear from you. Leave us a comment or email us at sessionswithmaryaandsarah@gmail.com
Peace boo-boos.

photo- I googled imaged "fake-date" and this is what came up haha!!!

One Last post about the Twat

So the Twat is of course running her mouth again about how "easy" it would be for her to send hundreds of girls into a frenzy if she left the movie.
Would someone shove some humble-pie down this bitch's throat? I know I talk about how ridiculous she is and yes I am an admitted Twilight fan...but I also cannot stand douchey actors. This isn't even about her being a shitty Bella, this is about her being a shitty actor. It's so unprofessional to knock the movie that you're currently making. I hope the director drops her just because she's so rude. Seriously, NOOO ONE WOULD CARE!
Marya and I write in this little blog crossing our fingers everyday that we would have the even the shadow of fame that she is getting, and she bitches about it all the time. Seriously Twat-waffle...leave. Leave the movie so I can move to Hollywood and a. kick your boring ass, and b. audtion to be the next Bella, and c. be grateful about it.
Fucking young talent...no one seems to get just how fortunate they are.
If any celebrities happen to ever cross this blog, be happy with what you have, and who you are. Be grateful that you have the chance to entertain people, and send your message to masses. Oh, and never be a complete TWAT like Kristen Stewart.

Whyyy?!?!?

Ok usually I give the gays props for having impeccable taste in everything, but they really missed the mark on this one. I was recently informed that the Sarah Silverman show will be returning for another season because of Comedy Central's sister station "Logo."
Logo directs their programming towards the gay community, but I didn't know it had any affiliation with Comedy Central.
So anyway all these people from Logo complained that they were slashing The Sarah Silverman Program's budget and eventually weeding it out of the programming schedule so they all joined together to make sure it stayed on air.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!? Comedy Central had it right the first time. The show obviously wasn't THAT popular if they chose to cut their budget! Really, the show is terrible. It's the same unfunny jokes told over and over again by that annoying troll doll of a person...I am ashamed to even share the same name with someone as unfunny as she.
How many times do I have to hear her say, poop or hang out with some homeless guy who doesn't say anything...oh wait he poops and smells like poop. The entire show is about poop.
Just because there is a gay couple in the show does not mean it's quality television! They're not even that funny either...Everytime I watched the show they were fighting about something. I don't think that's condusive to a great storyline whatsoever...and you want to keep this dribble around? You even gave it a bigger budget than it had before! I would rather be curb stomped than to hear that!
To my gays...I love you, but you're killing me here. As long as that no talent pole with legs has her own show. I am going to continue to be mad at you for doing this to me.