Uncle Jesse is NOT a perv...but if he was, I would be ok with it.

Thanks to Miss Elissa for sending me this link, followed by a classic rant:

http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2010/07/12/attorney-actor-john-stamos-fling-year-old-student/


This bitch should riot in hell for her lies.... I find her story hard to believe, especially since the FBI found no such photos of him doing coke, etc. but ya know what? Even if he did, I DON'T CARE! How dare you try to extort money from him...... HE'S UNCLE JESSE!

Also, another reason why I'm not buying it, "She said Stamos offered to perform oral sex on Coss, but she declined"
Um......... What? Did I read that correctly? Declined? As in.... said 'no'???.... Who does that? Who gets offered oral or any other kind of sex form John Stamos and says no? LIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

I agree. Sex, LIES, and dumb bitches who need to keep their mouth shut.

TW and R-Patz Sitting in a Tree...S-N-O-R-T-I-N-G

So it seems that what I thought were nasty rumors are actually true facts. Kristen Stewart (who will only be named once...there it was, her name to me will always be Twat Waffle, TW, or T-dubs for short) and Robert Pattinson are dating. Now fellow blog readers, you may know that I do love me some R-Patz, and despise me some T-Dubs, but I can't say that I am angered, nor upset by the pair. Nay, in fact, I am not in the least surprised that they are together. Reasons being? Well, I have 3 very valid points as to why this relationship shouldn't be news to anyone:

1. They're basically the same person except one has penis...who that is exactly? Well that's up for debate. They both rock the coke/grunge look from raiding Kurt Cobain's closet and then refusing to do their hair. They both have the same fuck-being-famous personality about them (except TW is a bit more bitchy about it) and they're both publicly awkward to boot. Making sense so far?

2. I guess this is going off being the same person, but they're both in the same boat at this point in their life, and they tend to share their experiences with one another. What I mean by this is they are both the big deals right now. Millions of girls want to rip R-Patz's clothes off on a daily basis as more and more people are "sucked" (pardon the pun) into this vampire craze daily, and millions of girls want to either ask what it's like to actually be able to rip off R-patz's clothes, or if they can punch her in the mouth (oh, that's just me?) So why not bare the brunt of this fame together? You're stuck with each other half the time anyway with photo shoots, promotional parties, and interviews, book/cd/dvd signings, etc...might as well be friends with the person you're stuck with. I also will forever remain convinced that they started out as coke buddies who then became fuck buddies, and now they're fuck buddies who hold hands (which is "together" I guess...) So they're together because they've been put together since the beginning.

and the third and most important reason the Twat and Cedric Diggory are now two birds of a feather is

3. They're Bella and Edward Mother-Fucking Cullen. What do you think this is doing for their popularity? Uh yeah, sending it straight to the bank. Magazines are goingt o be dying for photos of the now out and about couple holding hands, and kissing, and being on vacation...maybe even a sex tape I don't know (Dear God, if there is a sex tape please let it just be of him so I can watch it without throwing up everywhere, thanks a bunch.) It creates even more buzz for the Twilight franchise which means more coke money for T-dubs and R-Patz! All they need to do is get married, pop out a baby and dress it up as a vampire for halloween and they will be set for life. Seriously, TW and Rob being together is the best career move they have ever made.

So there you have it. A couple made in movie franchise heaven. I'm not upset that they're together, just more upset in R-Patz's taste in women, but then I have to remember my three points, and it just makes sense. So congrats Twat Waffle. You have bagged yourself a gorgeous Londoner who is almost as big as a broody fuck head as you are. I'm sure you two will be very happy. So I hope that means you'll be smiling more often instead of that snaggle-toothed snarl you put on your face most of the time. This blogger can only hope so much...

To all the sessions readers, I hope you find a match as perfect as Twatty McGhee and her man. Until next time, peace love & coke buddies.

Arrest me Chris Hanson!!

Ugh this is disgusting in the best way…

I love GQ but when looking upon something as hto and underaged as Taylor Lautner, I can’t help but feel a pang of guilt. This boy needs to turn 18 already before Chris Hanson busts my ass for being very inappropriate with the November Issue of GQ. I’m going to buy it tomorrow…and I’m going to love it forever.

She couldn't delete her youtube account, too?!

Miley Cyrus deleted her twitter account. Oh no! How are we ever going to keep tabs on Miley Cyrus?!? I just want to know what she’s doooing all the tiiime!!

Mother fucker still has her youtube account and still makes stupid videos like this one…

Jesus Christ Miley…if you didn’t care what the tabloids thought, why did you make this craptastic pseudo-rap about it?

Also can someone tell me who these fucking friends of hers are who only seem to appear in her youtube videos? Did they win some contest? If that’s the case I would like to enter. My video would be called Miley gets punched in the boob. TRUTH!

Well, someone's gotta be on Kanye's side...

Before I begin this post I feel that I need to note that I thought that what Kanye West did to Taylor Swift at the VMA’s was really in bad taste. It was sophomoric, rude, and just made him look like a complete ass. Kanye, it is not easy to be your fan when you do things like this, but I am sticking by you on this fact alone: I am in no way surprised that Kanye did what he did, and my question tonight is, why is everyone else so surprised?

These are the facts as far as I’m concerned. Kanye West has a a God complex. Anyone who disagrees go to youtube right now and look up his concert videos, look up his TV interviews, then go to his website and read his blog. (I’ll wait). Exactly. The man’s ego could fill a football stadium. He’s constantly receiving validation for his ego in his profession as a rap artist, I mean we all have heard his music at some point. I buy it on itunes, and sing along with it in the car. The profession itself is an ego boost. Rapping about whatever the heart desires, having it broadcast across multiple public platforms, and people will listen to it. Of course Kanye is going to have a big ego. Not to mention his general motto of, “I am the voice of the generation.” So why is everyone surprised that someone who thinks everyone wants to hear what he has to say would say what was on his mind without regard to the consequences? It’s not like this was the first time he decided to be a douche in public. Anyone recall a certain crop-circle coiffed rapper announcing to millions of TV viewers during a Hurricane Katrina telethon, “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.” I think Mike Myers face said it all. “WTF Kanye, really?” Or let’s jump across the pond to the 2006 MTV Europe Music Awards where Kanye did what? Jumped on the stage during someone else’s acceptance speech because he wasn’t satisfied with the results?? How completely off guard we were to Mr. West’s douche-bagginess!

Seriously, people. Kanye West is known for being an asshole. It’s part of his erm…charm, (for lack of a better word). Not to mention did anyone even bother to take a look at that massive bottle of Henessey he was CHUGGING before the show? He must have been drunk off of his ass! No, in fact it is almost certain he was drunk off his ass. Deplorable as his actions may be, we all do really stupid things when we’re drunk. It’s just a shame Kanye chooses to do these stupid things on a public stage…even more stupid that he did it to America’s newest sweetheart.

Oh and props to Taylor Swift for being classy. It really is a shame for what happened but she must really be loving all of this new publicity. Oh poor Taylor Swift, she’s only 17. Taylor Swift didn’t get to make her speech. We all love you Taylor Swift, Kanye is a dumbass blah blah blah (Sorry, I’m not a Taylor Swift fan…her weird non-existent eyebrows bother me.) She still won the award, right? Beyonce also let her finish her speech after she won video of the year anyway. Taylor Swift is a celebrity, and if it wasn’t Kanye West being a douche it was going to be some blogger/vlogger critic asshole (myself included) who would’ve said it anyway. Nowhere near as publicly humilitating, but everyone’s a critic.

Speaking of, here is my whole take on Kanye’s recent criticism. Yes. I agree, people should be pissed at him for acting unprofessionally (once again) on a nationally broadcast event. He should especially be sorry that he acted this way towards someone who is sort of new to the business, and for stealing what was supposed to be a very special moment from her. Do I think that the racist comments are necessary? Absolutely not. Pulling the race card just makes the whole situation seem so much darker than it really was. I don’t claim to know the inner-workings of Kanye West in the slightest, but I highly doubt he went up there to complain that a white girl won over a black woman. Aretha Franklin could have won that award and Kanye would still be stumbling up on stage slurring, “Scuse me Aretha I’ll let you finish in a second…” Was it necessary for Jay Leno to bring up his mother during his interview? Um…what? Way to pull the rug right out from someone. Great move on Jay’s part. That show premiered with higher ratings than Conan’s first Tonight Show. Is it necessary that some parts of Florida are now banning all of Kanye’s music from their radio stations? Chris Brown beat the shit out of Rihanna and I would still hear that Forever song at least twice in the same car ride. Was it necessary for Comedy Central to show the “Fish Sticks” episode not once, but 4 times claiming it was “Fish Stick Night”? That is fucking ridiculous. Besides a very long apology on Kanye’s part…done correctly (I’m thinking really fancy stationary should be involved), and possibly some time in Rehab. people need to let this go.

It was the MTV VMA’s, A show that hasn’t been good since 2003 when Madonna and Britney Spears went all lesbo-kiss on each other. It was over a stupid moon-man award. As I already stated, it is terrible what Kanye West did to Miss Swift, it was a major recognition for her, and Kanye pretty much punched the sunlight out of her moment. But if it was JUST a VMA, as many people are giving Kanye shit about….doesn’t it work the other way around? IT WAS JUST A VMA!! If I was an award winning music artist I doubt that I would be like, “Hey…check out the moon man…biggest. accomplishment. ever!” So bottom line? Kanye is a dick bag. Duh. It doesn’t mean we should ignore what he did. He should apologize, and he deserved to be reprimanded…for like a day. Yet calling him a racist, and banning his music, and saying that you want to kick his ass (I’m talking about you Pink, you of ALL people should be the last to talk…please fire the asshole who thought trapeze would be a good act, and if it was your idea, just…God help you.) Violence begets violence. Enough is enough.

Kanye West, you make me embarrassed sometimes to call myself your fan. I think you need a lot of help, but I will never be one to sling mud at you. Besides the occasional critical eye which I have for all celebrities. I like your work, and I will continue to support your music. I just feel bad that you seem to have such a knack for getting yourself into these situations. As for the rest of the Kanye haters…Yeah, been there, done that. Shut up please.

Yesss!!!

Dear GQ...I freaking love you.

Major Props

I might have admitted this already but I love men's style magazines. Most women think that the magazines are masoginistic and only talk about booze and tits, but take the time to read one and you will find that the articles are extremely well written, poignant, and insightful on their topics. The reason I bring this topic up is because GQ Magazine has been on a roll with their feature articles. Two Months ago Justin Timberlake was on the cover, and last month was Kanye West (If you have not read that article I suggest you find it, and tell me if you do not love Kanye after it) this month is Robert Pattinson, and I hear through the grapevine next month will be Zac Efron? Uh, KU-DOS to GQ for picking up some awesome covers.

Ladies, I'm telling you...put down the Cosmo. You will learn nothing about your fave hot celebs there. Those interviews are by women, so of course the stars are going to say what Cosmo's women readers want to hear. If you want to get some insight at how they really think pick up a Men's magazine where they were interviewed. This might make me sound like a traitor to my sex, but the interviews wered one by guys with guys...there is no one to impress. So the stars are going to say what they really feel. For instance, We all know at this point that I love me some R-Patz....but he's like king of the emos in the interview. Kanye West is not a diva...although I think he might have some type of OCD. A while back there was a great feature on Jake Gyllenhaal, who might, in fact, be gay...because his interview was dripping with all of these little blurbs that just made him sound, well....completely fabulous if you know what I mean. So what I'm trying to say, the real stories about our favorite male stars are in the men mags.

Have you ever read a Cosmo interview with a male celeb? All the questions have nothing to do with the star himself, just how the star would be with a woman, and women this and women that. (Ugh...I sound like such a dude) I mean, I guess that's great for Cosmo because that's the audience, but it doesn't offer any true insight into the star's head. Romantically sure, but I think we all know that the average Jane is not going to bump into R-Patz in the street and have him fall madly in love with her just because she was wearing his favorite type of perfume on woman. Maybe if she knew he couldn't stand lulls in conversation, or that he's actually kind of a wimp when it comes to women...well...maybe Jane would have the upper hand, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. And sure, GQ interviews are only interviews as well, there is so much more depth to the stars than interviews could ever offer a reader, but for some reason...Men's magazines hit their target more so than the women's magazines.

Oh, and have you seen the picture editorials??? Swoooooon!! GQ is a Men's fashion Mag...so they gotta sell some men's fashion. All of the feature stars are put into designer men's clothing. Sweet baby Jesus, a suit never looked so good on a man.

I guess GQ just does for men what Vogue does for women. I wonder if guys read Vogue to find out about their favorite female stars for the same reasons I read GQ?

Anyway, props to you GQ, for always doing outstanding interviews with Hollywood's hottest eye candy. I loved the past month's features, and if Zac Efron is posing in Dior men's couture for your new cover, then count me in for next month's sale's quota. And to my ladies, I'm serious, the men's magazine's are where it's at. It's like adult Teen Bop....on crack.

Until next time, happy reading, ladies.

LINDSAY LOHAN'S NEW MOVIE STRAIGHT TO ABC FAMILY

OMG...hahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha. Ok done. Ha! Ok really done. So that movie Lindsay was working on where she had to pretend she was pregggerz "Labor Pains" is going to go straight to ABC Family and then released on DVD a month later just like "Picture This" that Ashley Tisdale disaster or that MTV moive "American Mall". Wow Lindz you've really done it this time. Move of the week? Next it will be dancing with the stars and you'll get kicked off first because no one will vote to save you. I know she just gave the speech in NYLON about how people should leave her alone and if the media didn't make her out to be such a bitch she would be hired more. Well, Lindsay where there's smoke there's fire. Also, you are a public figure the Paps love you complaining is not going to make them go away its just going to egg them on. So, maybe just change your lifestyle and not be such a crazy person/raging slut.I mean if people are watching and there isn't anything you can do about it, and thats what is effecting your career... my first guess would be to calm down. AND STOP DOING CLUB APPEARANCES kinda goes against the whole I have a substance abuse problem but I go to rehab and I have it under control... just saying.

Ok theres my lindsay rant for today. Let's all take a moment to laugh that her new movie is straight to TV, and we will try to never speak of her again. This will be the only free press she gets from us.

thats all for today lovers
peace.love.and.hilarity

pic:fillr.com

Team Jen

Ok, so Jennifer Aniston was dumped by John Mayer People are confirming. They were my couple, I'm devastated I don't care what anyone says I loved them together. They were obviously not right for each other, but I just wanted it to last. John is a player and Jen is getting on in her years and probably wants to settle down. Maybe not with kids, but definitely something steady she can rely on and stop looking. I feel so bad for her. She is so pretty, and has a pretty good career, super famous, serious cash, but no love. Fucking Angelina. No! Whatever, I know what your thinking "I love Angelina blah blah blah". Well I am totally Team Jen all the way. Brad is an idiot. Or maybe there is something wrong with her maybe shes super crazy and insecure or something either way I think we'd be bffs. Do some yoga, smoke some cheeb, go tanning. Jennifer Aniston always has the most perfect tan, does anyone else notice that? And I love her style you can always expect something a little hippie chic from her at the big awards usually a long white or light dress, perfect tan, natural make up, and her hair down. Simple and perfect. She's like me except way skinnier, tanner and richer and famous-er if that was a word. I thought her and John Mayer were great. They could hang out, smoke some herb, fiddle with his guitars. She was the hippie chick to his rocker, she seemed like the perfect arm candy for him. But you can't keep a rocker down he must spread his seed.

So Jen I'm rooting for you, and if you ever wanna hang out I'm in the NYC area and will be in LA beginning of April. Hit me up. We'll smoke and hang out on the beach? Sound good?

That's all for now lovers.

just.peace.and.love.

Swoooooon!

If you didn't know this about me, I think that Zach Braff and myself would get along famously. Recently, a picture of him doing a little puff-puff-pass has surfaced on Perez Hilton. All I have to say is Zach, I live on Long Island. I know you're in the city right now...let's make a date.

Is Joaquin Phoenix the next Andy Kaufman?

I can't get enough of this whole Joaquin Phoenix nonsense. He was in Miami last night doing a "show" at some nightclub when some person in the crowd started to heckle him. Well you know Joaquin Phoenix...gotta watch his rep and all, does an effin' nose dive into the crowd and tackles the heckler!! Does anyone else think this makes for great movie material? Oh, wait, Casey Affleck does. That's why he was there with his camera crew. At first the whole thing was pretty annoying. Oh Joaquin Phoenix is all dark, broody and hobo-looking and he wants to rap booo...Now, I just can't wait until this "documentary" comes out. It's going to be hilarious. One day Joaquin Phoenix is going to shave his mountain-man beard and take off those shades and be like, oh heeey just kidding. Uh...we know Joaquin, WE KNOW!!
Although I am too young to say I remember when Andy Kaufman did the same thing, but he did didn't he? Joaquin must be doing the whole Kaufmanesque shtick. I love how he's taking it to the absolute limit though. It makes for a much more hilarious punchline in the end.
So Joaquin Phoenix, you nutty little thing...Whether you're joking or not, you make me laugh. Kudos to you, for either being the craziest mofo out there, or the best actor in the biz.
In case you live under a rock and haven't seen the video of Kaufman 2000 taking taking the party-pooper out, here it is. Enjoy!

Guys w/ Swagger

GQ's new issue is about the top 10 most stylish men in America. We at Sessions can appreciate a guy who is well dressed, and cares about it. Congrats to you gentlemen for setting the example for all the other "dudes" out there who look like impoverished children. Justin Timberlake came out on top, and the other stylistos included T.I., Jason Shwartzman, and of course, Kanye West.
You look good, men. Keep setting the fashion bar high for all the other "bros" out there who could really use a make-over.
You can read the interview with Justin Timberlake (which is actually very funny) here.
The slideshow of the Top 10 can be found here.

Happy Fashion.

Twat is still a douche

Will someone put this bitch in her place? It's kind of ridiculous that the star of a movie that is probably setting her up for life just keeps bitching about it. I'm sure there are plenty of better, and prettier actresses out there who would love to be in her shoes. She's such a friggin Twat!

Spotted: Little J After She Lost a Fight with a Lawn Mower

Ok Little J, I understand that your a rocker chick now and your edgy and cool blah blah blah your still Cindy Loo Hoo to me. THIS LOOK IS NOT OK!!!! First, the chopped hair that looks like you did it yourself and now this? Look at your jeans girl! and the worst part is that you paid for them when they already looked like that probably. Why? And to make matters worse you have them tucked into...combat bootie things? You look stupid. There is a way to be rocker chic and not look like you just came out of a wood chipper. One or two rips is ok and do them yourself that's the fun of wearing ripped jeans on purpose because you are supposed to have a story to go with the rips. The jacket is cute though and I really like the rings. Besides that... go home and change.

That's all for now!

peace.love.and.combat.boots.

pic-blahgirls.com

Official-ish Arrested Development News

Apparently its pretty official or close to official that Michael Cera will finally sign on to reprise his role as George-Michael in the upcomming Arrested Development movie!!!! OMG love him. My source close to the cast (that makes me sound pretty official huh) told us over the summer that the Arrested Development movie was green-lit but everyone knew it wouldn't be the same without George-Michael and they couldn't replace Cera in the role. Fans of Cera and the show have been patiently-ish...I guess waiting for Cera to sign on although he was pretty sure that he wasn't going to do it. I am glad he came around, however talked him into this one deserves a high five and a cookie.


peace.love.and.biscuits.

pic-bestweekever.tv

My views in regards to that she-devil Tina Fey.

Alright everyone calm down... all six of you. Tina Fey is one of my least favorite entertainers I think it's very hard for women to be funny and shes the closest thing we have to a funny woman. Bummer. I recently saw "Baby Momma" and it was cute but Tina wasn't that funny... the blonde chick was hilarious though. I know shes like the genius behind 30 Rock and she was funny as Sarah Palin, but eh... thats all the sort of praise I have for her. I just... I dunno I think it's her face... you know that part in step brothers where they're at the catalina wine mixer and that crazy guy from the daily show goes up to will ferrel and is like I don't know what it is about your face but I just wanna punch you... well thats kind of how Tina Fey makes me feel. I'm not sure what it is, I feel like if I ever want a job in entertainment this post could black ball me forever its like making an Oprah joke, but I can't help myself. I also feel like it would be logical for me to like... look up to her I guess since shes a successful funny chick... but I just don't enjoy her at all.

You know who else ISN'T FUNNY... Sarah Silverman... really lady just evaporate, please. I can't even say much more than that because shes just that awful... please just...go away.

So cute!

I know this is pretty old stuff, but I love John Mayer even more after watching this:





John Mayer...if you're ever high and "Stumbling" on the internet, Sessions would love to hang with you. Bring Jen too...we'll roll one and you roll one? Good? Ok.

Thoughts?

So unless you live under a rock, I'm sure you've heard of this whole Chris Brown and Rihanna thing. I don't know what to make of it yet. Most of the things I'm reading sound like rumors and hear-say. So I am asking all of you devoted Sessions readers to give me your thoughts. Do you think Chris Brown did beat up Rihanna? Did he use a weapon? Did he bite her?? What do you think will happen to him next? Do you think Rihanna will try and stay with him after all of this?

Sooo much to think about... You can check out the stories from the link I posted from Perezhilton.com (just click on the title of this entry) or just google Chris Brown and a bunch of other sites come up with the stories. I want to know what you can make of all of this!

The World I Someday Want to Live In...

I didn't believe Marya when she said she couldn't find any pictures of R-Patz or the Narnia guy with their shirt off. So I went looking for myself. Surprisingly, and very sadly she is correct. However, I did end up finding a lot of other pictures of my favorite hot celebs without their shirts on, which has led me to create another list:

The top 10 guys who should live their life without their shirts.

10. Robert Buckley

I have no idea who this is...I guess he's on that show Lipstick Jungle? I found his shirtless photos instead of Robert Pattinson, and I have to say Mama like. He should get a role in abetter show, or some movie other than Killer Movie so I can see more of him if you know what I mean...
(Image courtesy of mizposh.com)

9. Hunter Parrish

Swooon....Our favorite troubled youth and pot growing genius on Weeds hangs out without his shirt on most of the time on the show, and for this I am very grateful. Oh, and not to mention his gorgeous singing voice. Marya and I saw Spring Awakening when he was starring, and I can see why it was hard to be virtuous with him walking around looking and singing the way he does.

(Image courtesy of blogs.nypost.com)

8. Johnny Depp

Gotta love the Depp. Those tattoos and that rocker-bod are such a nice combination. Although he may not possess those rock hard abs I am such a fan of, I recognize the beauty of a guy who likes to keep it simple. He's got this bohemian thing going on that just does all the right things for him. You can pirate me, Captain Jack Sparrow...
(Image courtesy of bigoo.ws)

7. Zac Efron

Although I have a very hard time convincing myself that he's a straight man, Zac Efron must drive the ladies/men crazy. Why he chooses to share his "gift" with Vanessa-"mouseyface" Hudgens is beyond me, but I'm still holding out for the day when he dumps her and starts to date Robert Buckely (who I just found out is gay...figures, the hot ones always are) I think my head would explode at the thought of them as a couple. They could compare whose bod is hotter, I'm sure. Don't worry boys. You both made my list, and you can wrestle about it later...
(Image courtesy of zimbio.com)

6. Ryan Reynolds

It's an actual struggle to keep myself from drooling when I see Ryan Reynolds without a shirt. My favorite sans shirt Ryan is in The Amityville Horror when he's chopping wood, and he's pissed and he's sweaty...and I'm drooling again. It's so sad that he's married to someone my age, and her only claim to fame is that she's got huge boobs. Listen, Ryan...there are plenty of prettier girls who have big boobs...one happens to be writing this post as we speak, just sayin'. I mean, it could be worse, he could be married to Alanis Moorisette...that would be unreconcilable. Either way, Ryan Reynolds...you make shirts blush, so just keep them off.
(Image courtesy of entertainmentwise.com)

5. Matthew McConaughey

Well Matthew, you already live your life without your shirt on most of the time, so thank you for that. I appreciate the fact that you know you're hot and choose to flaunt it constantly. Now, if you could stop being such a complete lunatic....maaaybe we could hang out. Maybe.
(Image courtesy of blogs.nypost.com)

4. Brad Pitt

Two words...Fight Club. If there is anyone I would like to try out the phrase "washboard stomach" on, it would be Sir Bradley Pitt. I would gladly blow up financial buildings, grow backwards, and be a vampire at the same time just to even poke him with one finger. Dear sweet baby Jesus, thank you for putting Brad Pitt and his hot bod on this earth. Now if you could please get rid of Angelina Jolie, that would be super. Thanks so much. Hugs and Kisses, Sarah.
(Image courtesy of entertainmentwise.com)

3. Justin Timberlake

Oh JT, you've come such a long way since your NSYNC days and I am so glad you've stuck around. I guess from early on in the game you realized that you were the hot one, and you have kept to the credo very well. Once again, I'll never know why someone as hot as Justin Timberlake chooses to be with horse-faced Jessica Biel. I'd also like to to note that even though he gets a lot of flack for trying to be a black man, I give him props. He worked that slang and lifestyle in Alpha Dog and managed to be the only likable character in it, and he keeps doing all these collaborations with Rap artists in his music career. So whatever he's doing...he is doing it right, and that includes his gorgeous physique.
(Image courtesy of chronicles-of-jac-o.blogspot.com)

2. Jake Gyllanhaal My list would not be complete if Jake wasn't on it. Jake Gyllenhaal is hot. The end. I don't know what else to say about him besides every time I watch a movie with him in it, I feel like fainting. It's a very sad habit actually, but I don't really care. Just look at him, and have you seen the pics of him while shooting his next movie "The Prince of Persia"? He's fucking jacked...I can't wait for the movie to come out. you can take a look at the pics here. But just take a second to look at what I have provided here, I'll wait.....Right? Delicious. However, Reese must go....now.
(Image courtesy of flickr.com)
1. Channing Tatum

Channing Tatum is number one because the man cannot act his way out of a paper bag, but he gets roles in all these movies because he is damn sexy to look at. Mr. Channing started out as a model, and I believe he still models...mostly shirtless. Thank you to Dolce and Gabanna, Gap, Ecko Red, and Ducati for giving him work and giving me something to stare at. Oh, and a please dear God to his acting coach help the poor guy out. There's only so much bad acting I can take in one movie. God knows I can zone it all out and just pay attention to how pretty he is, but the guy can't be proud of the performances he's putting out, and I want him to stick around!

(Image courtesy of vn.myblog.yahoo.com)

So there it is, The prettiest of the pretty without their shirts. If only these little pictures in the moments of their lives went on for years. That is world I someday want to live in. So if any of you strapping young men happen to find this post while stumbling online, please do not hesitate to e-mail myself or Marya at sessionswithmaryaandsarah@gmail.com We would love to have a chat with you, and when I say chat, I mean play a game of strip Twister....or five.

Until next time kids, Remember to keep your shirts on unless I say it's ok to keep it off.

So What?

Here at Sessions, we like to keep up with the news. We also feel that when something in the news is completely ridiculous, it needs to be exploited. The news has recently been circling around 8 time Olympic gold-medalist Michael Phelp's unfortunate run-in with a camera whilst partaking in some "herbal refreshment." I have been following this story because I knew at some point the media was going to get ridiculous, and without fail, I have found most headlines on the major news sites read like this:

-Michael Phelps betrays himself and his admirers (The Boston Herald)

- Michael Phelps Drug Use Is a Shame—but Adults Defending His Pot Smoking Are Shameful (US News & World Report)

The only reporter that seems to be making any sense is Sally Jenkins of The Washington Post. However, most of the other newswires are slamming her for defending his actions when she was merely stating the fact "he merely got caught doing what scores of people -- I'm not saying me -- did every weekend in college,"

I have to say that I am a bit appauled at the level of negative response to Michael Phelp's actions. I do acknowledge that what he did does hold some negative weight considering that he is a role model, national celebrity, sports icon etc. but I cannot say that what he did was wrong. It was just a wrong thing to do in front of a camera. Jenkins' article dissects Michael Phelps into two kind of people, the Michael who won 8-gold medals because of grueling training and unhinged ambition, and the Michael who is still a 23 year old, and who will do 23 year old things, like get wasted at a party. I have to agree with Ms. Jenkins here. So what if he likes to get high every once in a while? Also, given his age I wouldn't be surprised if this wasn't the first time he has smoked. As a partygoer commented on Perez Hilton, "You could tell Michael had smoked before. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and knew exactly what to do. He looked just as natural with a bong in his hands as he does swimming in the pool." The fact that the news has decided to take this harmless picture as a slap in the face from the swimmer is a load of shit. Once again I ask so what?

The facts are these: Michael Phelps won 8 Olympic gold medals breaking the previous record of 7 gold medals in a single Olympic Game. In 2004 he won 6 Olympic gold medals. So, in total the guy has 14 Gold Medals hanging above his chimney place, refrigerator what have you. 14 fucking medals and the entire world is calling him a pot head and hoping he gets thrown out of the 2012 Olympics. Another fact, Michael Phelps isn't in the Olympics anymore. If he isn't swimming for the better half of his day, and if he not commited to any sort of rigorous drug-testing schedule, I'd hit the bong too. Another fact, Michael Phelps was arrested for DUI in 2004. At the time he was 19, did anyone try to press criminal charges against him then? No, because at that time 6 gold medals was nothing...but it looks like being a record holder must hold some other weight when it comes to breaking the law. I think the most important fact is that Michael Phelps is 23 years old. What did you think he was going to do after the Olympics? Besides being the face for every company that decided to sponsor the Olympics, he's got nothing else to do. Any 23 year old would love to just walk into a party after that kind of excitement and take a few hits from the pipe. Michael Phelps does this and all of the sudden the moral code for athletes is in the shitter. Get a life people.

If anything, his 2004 arrest should have been a much bigger deal. He was 19 and driving while intoxicated. Those are two big no-no's in any party animal's rule-book. Now that he's all famous and kids want to be like Michael Phelps it's some big deal that the guy occasionally smokes. The US and World Report mainly went on this detail because his endorsers are backing him up. Let's look at another set of facts. What Michael Phelps does in his free time is his own business. Besides being absolutely humiliated by these pictures and the media assholes looking for anything to bring him down, he was not infringing on any of their deals. He wasn't hitting the bong while burning his speedo, or pissing on a wheaties box. He certainly isn't still swimming for the next Olympics. So what's the big deal?

America holds a very high standard for her athletes. In my opinion, these standards are damn near impossible. To most of these athletes winning and succeeding becomes more than just a drive, it becomes their complete obsession. However, when this obsession becomes harder to maintain many athletes turn to drugs...the hard kind. Steroids are very popular in today's sporting world. Although many sports organizations have begun to crack down on this habit that is sadly becoming more common amongst athletes, many cases continue to go unnoticed. Yet, when America's most celebrated athlete does probably the most harmless drug of all, it's an atrocity? People judge whether he is what he says he is? Michael Phelps has 14 Olympic Gold Medals you fucking morons. Isn't that enough? Don't you think for once you can be your kid's role model? He cannot be Mr. All-American ALL the time.

So Michael Phelps, we at Sessions do not judge you. We encourage you to do whatever makes you happy. And if you like to smoke out of bongs, we have a nice blue one with a bowl packed just for you. You've earned it.

Oh one more thing...a big fuck you to whoever took that pic and sold it NOTW. Do you feel good about yourself? Whoever invited you into the smoking circle should seriously reconsider ever inviting you to anything again. That is seriously the most fucked up thing a person can do while smoking, who taught you your pot-smoking ettiquette?

If you'd like to read Sally Jenkin's story you can click here