Total and Complete BS...read it bitches!
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Fuck Normality
Just a thought...
I find it very ironic that Marya mentioned that fear she got when she watched Office Space. I believe I was watching it with her, and freaking out the exact same way. So I have to ask this question, why is that?
What is it about normal office jobs that freak us out so much? Many people go through their lives working in a cubicle leading perfectly respectful lives, and most of them; I would like to believe enjoy being there. So why is it, when I watch something like that, do I want to scream and vomit simultaneously? Ok...so Office Space is a venture from the norm by a long stretch, but it wouldn't be a comedy if people couldn't relate to it. So there must be a sliver of truth to it.
Personally, I can only tell you what bothers me about it by dissecting the movie. Mostly it's the fact that everything in the movie down to the last set detail is bland and dead. Nothing has a life of its own besides the characters who coincidentally feel dead inside. That's a harsh life. Have you ever stared at the sets in that movie? It's terrifying...and those are real places. People work and live in those places, but why? You have probably passed a business park or two with a corporation like Initech, and wondered what was inside, and who drove those nondescript cars in the perfectly paved black parking lot. Office Space just makes me look at these people like some kind of pariah, like they all have some kind of infectious disease that makes them insane enough to get up every day and work at any place similar to Initech.
What about Peter's cookie cutter apartment? Peter is his own person, he is a round and complex character but his apartment is so nonchalant and so pristinely bleak that it makes me wonder how he can even sleep there? Perhaps the most horrifying set in that movie to me was Tom's backyard. His whole house really. It's in one of those developments that spring up out of nowhere. They put them in the middle of fields and they were made by some contractor who wanted a house to look nice, but didn't care to put any personal touches on the design, so the houses all look alike. There are no trees in the yard except for those skinny buy-at-the-store kind that eventually die as soon as it snows, and everyone has the same basic front lawn and high fences in the backyard. There's also that water tower...I don't know what it is about that water tower behind Tom's fence but it scares the crap out of me. Perhaps it's because it's then you know that this little street Tom lives on was a product of cookie cutter development, and fuck with the ambiance...the land was cheap and easy to build on. Plus there is nothing beyond it...no signs of another house, or life for that matter. Just and empty field...and a fence built to block it out. Once again I have to ask myself who chooses to lead this kind of life?
There's also the matter of the people in the movie. Besides Lawrence, everyone in that movie hates their job, and basically their life. The only reason Lawrence does not is because he doesn't actually work in some establishment. He cleans up after it. Joanna is stuck in a place where it may seem fun to work at, but in the end is just the same pain in the ass job that Peter, Mike, Samir and even Milton have to deal with. Don't even get me started with Milton. Milton gets crapped on the most out of anyone in that movie obviously.
I physically cannot watch the birthday cake scene simply because of the injustice of it all. That's not comedy...that's torture. If I were Milton I would punch that stupid Chinese lady with those dumb glasses right in the fucking head she was supposed to pass the cake to Milton the red-head was supposed to pass to the chinese lady and the red-head was supposed to go without any cake. I can't believe that fat bitch told Milton he couldn't have cake...Pass the cake so everyone gets a piece...Fuck that. I would eat that cake in one bite and then eat half of the cake make-up off of that dumb bitch's face. I just ranted about cake for a good five minutes typing this. I apologize...but I hope you're seeing my point. This movie is a horror movie disguised as a comedy.
Anyway, what I am really trying to say is that Milton and Lawrence are the key characters to the whole movie, and Peter is just a better looking pawn to keep the story going. Look at it this way, Milton, fed up with the establishment, burns it down. Lawrence, who wants nothing to do with it, cleans up after it. Peter will be forever grateful to Milton for destroying it, and to Lawrence for helping him forget it. Joanna is even a small voice of reason when she flips it off. Peter will be forever grateful to her because they can relate to each other when they were unhappy in the establishment. They soon discover that by being out of the system, they can finally be happy with just each other.
Now I am not giving a big F-U to the establishment, but is Office Space? Is Office Space trying to show us the harsh reality of it all and what could happen if we all just didn't give a fuck? Or is it pointing out the mundane details of everyone's life and amplifying it to the extreme so that we may look at our own lives and ask if we are happy? I keep asking myself what kind of people choose to lead these lives and I think Peter and Mike explained it best:
[Peter, Michael, and Samir are chatting as they hang around the printer]
Peter Gibbons: Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you'd do if you had a million dollars and you didn't have to work. And invariably what you'd say was supposed to be your career. So, if you wanted to fix old cars then you're supposed to be an auto mechanic.
Samir: So what did you say?
Peter Gibbons: I never had an answer. I guess that's why I'm working at Initech.
Michael Bolton: No, you're working at Initech because that question is bullshit to begin with. If everyone listened to her, there'd be no janitors, because no one would clean shit up if they had a million dollars.
So essentially the reason why Office Space scares me so much is because these places do exist. People actually lead lives similar to Peter's world. People live in these houses with no view to anywhere but a vast and empty field. People work at these jobs where by going to it is reliving the worst day of your life every single day. These are normal people! These are people with lives, and families, and hopes and dreams. If I am going to grow up and lead a "normal" life, I want a view to something, and I want my house to say something about me. I don't want to be like everyone else. I don't want to know that the street that I live on is filled with people just like me, who lead the same life as me. It's like that house and that street would steal my identity. And that fucking water tower...would steal my soul. I would want my job to make me happy, and to be somewhere where I could be me, and by being me I could do something worthwhile. Office Space may be a comedy to most, but to me and apparently to Marya, it's scarier than most horror movies I have seen in my lifetime.
This post has become much longer than I intended, but I, too, have started my last semester of college, and just thinking about the future makes me sick. I cannot and will not submit myself to something that will make me feel like everyone else. Call it pipe dreams, or just plain stupidity, but I feel that my talents were not meant to be cubicled, and I was not meant to walk into my backyard and see nothing but a water tower. No, that day is the day I would know I have left the Earth and joined the ranks of hell. No, I am not being over-dramatic...it really would be hell for me.
Anyway, before I make myself completely pessimistic I am going to go live up the last of my college days...have a good weekend everyone.
Peter Gibbons: It's not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. It's about all of us. I don't know what happened to me at that hypnotherapist and, I don't know, maybe it was just shock and it's wearing off now, but when I saw that fat man keel over and die - Michael, we don't have a lot of time on this earth! We weren't meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements.
Michael Bolton: I told those fudge-packers I liked Michael Bolton's music.
Peter Gibbons: Oh. That is not right, Michael.
I find it very ironic that Marya mentioned that fear she got when she watched Office Space. I believe I was watching it with her, and freaking out the exact same way. So I have to ask this question, why is that?
What is it about normal office jobs that freak us out so much? Many people go through their lives working in a cubicle leading perfectly respectful lives, and most of them; I would like to believe enjoy being there. So why is it, when I watch something like that, do I want to scream and vomit simultaneously? Ok...so Office Space is a venture from the norm by a long stretch, but it wouldn't be a comedy if people couldn't relate to it. So there must be a sliver of truth to it.
Personally, I can only tell you what bothers me about it by dissecting the movie. Mostly it's the fact that everything in the movie down to the last set detail is bland and dead. Nothing has a life of its own besides the characters who coincidentally feel dead inside. That's a harsh life. Have you ever stared at the sets in that movie? It's terrifying...and those are real places. People work and live in those places, but why? You have probably passed a business park or two with a corporation like Initech, and wondered what was inside, and who drove those nondescript cars in the perfectly paved black parking lot. Office Space just makes me look at these people like some kind of pariah, like they all have some kind of infectious disease that makes them insane enough to get up every day and work at any place similar to Initech.
What about Peter's cookie cutter apartment? Peter is his own person, he is a round and complex character but his apartment is so nonchalant and so pristinely bleak that it makes me wonder how he can even sleep there? Perhaps the most horrifying set in that movie to me was Tom's backyard. His whole house really. It's in one of those developments that spring up out of nowhere. They put them in the middle of fields and they were made by some contractor who wanted a house to look nice, but didn't care to put any personal touches on the design, so the houses all look alike. There are no trees in the yard except for those skinny buy-at-the-store kind that eventually die as soon as it snows, and everyone has the same basic front lawn and high fences in the backyard. There's also that water tower...I don't know what it is about that water tower behind Tom's fence but it scares the crap out of me. Perhaps it's because it's then you know that this little street Tom lives on was a product of cookie cutter development, and fuck with the ambiance...the land was cheap and easy to build on. Plus there is nothing beyond it...no signs of another house, or life for that matter. Just and empty field...and a fence built to block it out. Once again I have to ask myself who chooses to lead this kind of life?
There's also the matter of the people in the movie. Besides Lawrence, everyone in that movie hates their job, and basically their life. The only reason Lawrence does not is because he doesn't actually work in some establishment. He cleans up after it. Joanna is stuck in a place where it may seem fun to work at, but in the end is just the same pain in the ass job that Peter, Mike, Samir and even Milton have to deal with. Don't even get me started with Milton. Milton gets crapped on the most out of anyone in that movie obviously.
I physically cannot watch the birthday cake scene simply because of the injustice of it all. That's not comedy...that's torture. If I were Milton I would punch that stupid Chinese lady with those dumb glasses right in the fucking head she was supposed to pass the cake to Milton the red-head was supposed to pass to the chinese lady and the red-head was supposed to go without any cake. I can't believe that fat bitch told Milton he couldn't have cake...Pass the cake so everyone gets a piece...Fuck that. I would eat that cake in one bite and then eat half of the cake make-up off of that dumb bitch's face. I just ranted about cake for a good five minutes typing this. I apologize...but I hope you're seeing my point. This movie is a horror movie disguised as a comedy.
Anyway, what I am really trying to say is that Milton and Lawrence are the key characters to the whole movie, and Peter is just a better looking pawn to keep the story going. Look at it this way, Milton, fed up with the establishment, burns it down. Lawrence, who wants nothing to do with it, cleans up after it. Peter will be forever grateful to Milton for destroying it, and to Lawrence for helping him forget it. Joanna is even a small voice of reason when she flips it off. Peter will be forever grateful to her because they can relate to each other when they were unhappy in the establishment. They soon discover that by being out of the system, they can finally be happy with just each other.
Now I am not giving a big F-U to the establishment, but is Office Space? Is Office Space trying to show us the harsh reality of it all and what could happen if we all just didn't give a fuck? Or is it pointing out the mundane details of everyone's life and amplifying it to the extreme so that we may look at our own lives and ask if we are happy? I keep asking myself what kind of people choose to lead these lives and I think Peter and Mike explained it best:
[Peter, Michael, and Samir are chatting as they hang around the printer]
Peter Gibbons: Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you'd do if you had a million dollars and you didn't have to work. And invariably what you'd say was supposed to be your career. So, if you wanted to fix old cars then you're supposed to be an auto mechanic.
Samir: So what did you say?
Peter Gibbons: I never had an answer. I guess that's why I'm working at Initech.
Michael Bolton: No, you're working at Initech because that question is bullshit to begin with. If everyone listened to her, there'd be no janitors, because no one would clean shit up if they had a million dollars.
So essentially the reason why Office Space scares me so much is because these places do exist. People actually lead lives similar to Peter's world. People live in these houses with no view to anywhere but a vast and empty field. People work at these jobs where by going to it is reliving the worst day of your life every single day. These are normal people! These are people with lives, and families, and hopes and dreams. If I am going to grow up and lead a "normal" life, I want a view to something, and I want my house to say something about me. I don't want to be like everyone else. I don't want to know that the street that I live on is filled with people just like me, who lead the same life as me. It's like that house and that street would steal my identity. And that fucking water tower...would steal my soul. I would want my job to make me happy, and to be somewhere where I could be me, and by being me I could do something worthwhile. Office Space may be a comedy to most, but to me and apparently to Marya, it's scarier than most horror movies I have seen in my lifetime.
This post has become much longer than I intended, but I, too, have started my last semester of college, and just thinking about the future makes me sick. I cannot and will not submit myself to something that will make me feel like everyone else. Call it pipe dreams, or just plain stupidity, but I feel that my talents were not meant to be cubicled, and I was not meant to walk into my backyard and see nothing but a water tower. No, that day is the day I would know I have left the Earth and joined the ranks of hell. No, I am not being over-dramatic...it really would be hell for me.
Anyway, before I make myself completely pessimistic I am going to go live up the last of my college days...have a good weekend everyone.
Peter Gibbons: It's not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. It's about all of us. I don't know what happened to me at that hypnotherapist and, I don't know, maybe it was just shock and it's wearing off now, but when I saw that fat man keel over and die - Michael, we don't have a lot of time on this earth! We weren't meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements.
Michael Bolton: I told those fudge-packers I liked Michael Bolton's music.
Peter Gibbons: Oh. That is not right, Michael.
And So.... It Begins.
So my last semseter (hopefully) of college has started. Crap. I am faced with the every lingering, never answered question of what am I going to do with my life. I have no FREAKING clue. I really would like to do as little as possible for the most amount of money and or become a super hero and save the world. I guess, I could be come a domesticated, non flying, kind of super hero and join like the peace corps or something, but I'm also kind of lazy. So de-worming kids in Sumalia (movie reference anyone? anyone?) is not exactly at the top of my list of must do before I die. I would love to do some eco friendly stuff.... or maybe something artistic like interior design or become a buyer for a major department store or a famous person (preferably a famous person). At the same time I don't really have the background to become a buyer or an interior designer I have a fine arts minor... thats about it and I just spent 160k on my education to learn how to market things... MARKET THIS. I hate my major since hofstra does not offer advertising as a major this was the best alternative or so I thought. I should have been a PR major but I just thought it was too fluffy although my gpa would be much higher and I would not have had to take so many freaking statistics classes. To make everything worse the economy is in the crapper and there are no jobs, so what is a new college graduate supposed to do? I am trying to the smart thing and go green, because I will love it and it is the new frontier so there may be some job security in a green job, but what kind of green job do I want? Thats the biggest problem. Everyone keeps telling me just to apply to as many jobs as I can and then decided later. I just dont' want to wake up at 27 and hate my life. I always thought I had a plan for my life and then one afternoon I was partaking in some herbal refreshment and watching office space and I had a life altering moment. I didn't want to be that guy. I don't want a cubicle, or an entry level sales job of anysort unless its like fundraising or something worth while like that. If I have to do some mind numbing job I want it to be worth something. Here is my other stipulation... I can sell anything. I can talk anyone into anythiny. I'm like that kid they warned you about in middle school health class that will pressure you into do things... except I'm a grown up and I don't have to pressure anyone I just convince them otherwise. So, I know no matter what I do I am going to be successful but I would just rather use my powers for good instead of evil. OR I would love to be a commentator on those best week ever shows or do chelsea handlers round table or just be witty and funny and be myself in front of a camera getting paid lots of money.... soooo industry peeps if you stumble upon this hire us pleasee we're hilarious.
peace.love.youtube
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Are We Being Punked?
Alright, I am calling shenanigans.
Somebody call Joaquin Phoenix's drug dealer and tell him enough is enough. The guy "quits" acting because he wants to focus on his music. Ok I know he dazzled everyone with his Johnny Cash impression, Oscar nods and all...sooo you'd think if he was actually doing this music thing it would be with a guitar and a black suit, but rapping? Really? I was watching Extra the other day and heard that Joaquin had started to rap, and had fell off the stage at one of his shows...if that's what you want to call it. So I watched this little youtube video and I am absolutely horrified to say the least. There are so many things wrong with this situation. First thing, why on earth does Joaquin look like bigfoot with a hat on? The guy's got like this lumberjack beard and he's wearing these sunglasses that make him look like the shoe bomber more than anything else. Second the entire rap just sounds like Joaquin growling into the mic thrown in with the occasional fake gangster hand movements. Not to mention he's just pacing the stage like this crack addict on a bad day. To make matter worse, after the whole ordeal as I am going to refer to it now, he starts to jump around the stage and as he walks off he fucking eats it. Just missed that first step...Oh God it was terrible.
Who told him this was a good idea? I really think (actually I really hope) that's he just fucking with us. I think it's some big joke he and Casey Affleck are playing on everyone. According to Extra and Perez Hilton, Casey Affleck was at the place he was at with a camera crew filming him for this documentary he's making about Joaquin's switch to music. Like Joaquin Phoenix acting like P. Diddy is that interesting? Oh and P. Diddy? He's supposedly going to help Joaquin Phoenix make an album!! What the hell is wrong with everyone? If I wanted my ears to bleed I would find a less painful way than listening to Joaquin Phoenix try to rap.
Does anyone else think this is extremely wrong? It's not just the rapping that is bothering me. Joaquin Phoenix looks like he's had one too many bad nights in a row. Please don't forget that his family does not have the best track record when it comes to drugs and alcohol. The guy looks terrible and no one is saying anything. I also find it interesting that Joaquin now bears a slight resemblance to Heath Ledger based on the look he is going for nowadays...Does anyone recall what happened to Heath when he started to look like a hobo?
So it has to be a joke. Casey Affleck is Joaquin's brother in law or something, and I'm sorry I just don't think from the handful of celebs that left acting to dip their toes into the music industry, Joaquin Phoenix's story isn't that interesting to have a camera crew following him around. Plus, I heard the guy was a total douche the night that this youtube video was filmed. Perez Hilton said that apparently Joaquin was throwing a hissy fit because the crew was late and started to throw things around and told them they fucked everything up. Then he went out and did a sound check, and rapped anyway. Joaquin and Casey are fucking with us, and P. Diddy is in on it. This has to be some major Borat style production and we won't know it was a joke until it hits theaters. I mean, props for being authentic, but if this isn't a joke, and Joaquin starts winning Grammys for performance as a Hip-hop R&B artist, well then...a little piece of my music loving soul is going to die.
So let me end by saying, Joaquin, sweetie, you look like a hobo. You cannot rap, and you need to come back to movies. So shave that god awful beard, stop wearing flannel, and call your agent. The silver screen misses you, man.
In case you haven't seen the horror...I have included links to the two youtube videos from that night.
"Grunting" By: Joaquin "I still think I'm Johnny Cash" Phoenix
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LieYeCudbQ8
"Hobo Tripping" By: Joaquin "I'm a huge Tool with this hat on" Phoenix
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7F_Ikksg40U
Images Courtesy of Nj.com, and people.com
Video courtesy of youtube
Somebody call Joaquin Phoenix's drug dealer and tell him enough is enough. The guy "quits" acting because he wants to focus on his music. Ok I know he dazzled everyone with his Johnny Cash impression, Oscar nods and all...sooo you'd think if he was actually doing this music thing it would be with a guitar and a black suit, but rapping? Really? I was watching Extra the other day and heard that Joaquin had started to rap, and had fell off the stage at one of his shows...if that's what you want to call it. So I watched this little youtube video and I am absolutely horrified to say the least. There are so many things wrong with this situation. First thing, why on earth does Joaquin look like bigfoot with a hat on? The guy's got like this lumberjack beard and he's wearing these sunglasses that make him look like the shoe bomber more than anything else. Second the entire rap just sounds like Joaquin growling into the mic thrown in with the occasional fake gangster hand movements. Not to mention he's just pacing the stage like this crack addict on a bad day. To make matter worse, after the whole ordeal as I am going to refer to it now, he starts to jump around the stage and as he walks off he fucking eats it. Just missed that first step...Oh God it was terrible.
Who told him this was a good idea? I really think (actually I really hope) that's he just fucking with us. I think it's some big joke he and Casey Affleck are playing on everyone. According to Extra and Perez Hilton, Casey Affleck was at the place he was at with a camera crew filming him for this documentary he's making about Joaquin's switch to music. Like Joaquin Phoenix acting like P. Diddy is that interesting? Oh and P. Diddy? He's supposedly going to help Joaquin Phoenix make an album!! What the hell is wrong with everyone? If I wanted my ears to bleed I would find a less painful way than listening to Joaquin Phoenix try to rap.
Does anyone else think this is extremely wrong? It's not just the rapping that is bothering me. Joaquin Phoenix looks like he's had one too many bad nights in a row. Please don't forget that his family does not have the best track record when it comes to drugs and alcohol. The guy looks terrible and no one is saying anything. I also find it interesting that Joaquin now bears a slight resemblance to Heath Ledger based on the look he is going for nowadays...Does anyone recall what happened to Heath when he started to look like a hobo?
So it has to be a joke. Casey Affleck is Joaquin's brother in law or something, and I'm sorry I just don't think from the handful of celebs that left acting to dip their toes into the music industry, Joaquin Phoenix's story isn't that interesting to have a camera crew following him around. Plus, I heard the guy was a total douche the night that this youtube video was filmed. Perez Hilton said that apparently Joaquin was throwing a hissy fit because the crew was late and started to throw things around and told them they fucked everything up. Then he went out and did a sound check, and rapped anyway. Joaquin and Casey are fucking with us, and P. Diddy is in on it. This has to be some major Borat style production and we won't know it was a joke until it hits theaters. I mean, props for being authentic, but if this isn't a joke, and Joaquin starts winning Grammys for performance as a Hip-hop R&B artist, well then...a little piece of my music loving soul is going to die.
So let me end by saying, Joaquin, sweetie, you look like a hobo. You cannot rap, and you need to come back to movies. So shave that god awful beard, stop wearing flannel, and call your agent. The silver screen misses you, man.
In case you haven't seen the horror...I have included links to the two youtube videos from that night.
"Grunting" By: Joaquin "I still think I'm Johnny Cash" Phoenix
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LieYeCudbQ8
"Hobo Tripping" By: Joaquin "I'm a huge Tool with this hat on" Phoenix
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7F_Ikksg40U
Images Courtesy of Nj.com, and people.com
Video courtesy of youtube
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
The New Cha-Cha
ok quick post... have you seen those new commercials with the guy that answers all the questions really fast and then its like horescope at your service ... then an ad comes up and its like horescope text 542 KGB. It's just like Cha-Cha you text a question and someone on the other end googles it for you and texts you back. Are you kidding me? KGB? really? I can't tell whether this is supposed to ironic or what but I think its a strange name for a texting operation.
Monday, January 19, 2009
I LOVE THE HILLS
I don't care what anyone says about the hills I freaking love that show. I don't care how fake it is or how dumb the girls are I want to be LC. Justin Bobby you can CALL ME! He's my fav, i love that he is such a jackass, Brody can call me too he's such a hottie. However, there are a few things I would like to comment on. First, Bromance... is dumb cancel it soon Brody you're adorable but this show makes you look well like a pussy. Second, The City I had such high hopes for this show I love whitney and I obviously LOVE NYC but the show lacks excitement. Who cares that all The Hills drama is fake at least there is some. If i can't trade lives with LC i would trade with Whitney in a heartbeat with her adorable aussie bf, amazing high rise in Gramercy and the dream job styling at DVF i would just DIE to live like that. Not to mention her delicious MTV salary for doing the show. If anyone is looking to higher a new stylist with a bohemian stylish hippy rocker chic style I am for sale and for higher I will work for samlples.
One more thing Speidi or however you spell it. Love Hate them. Smartest freaking business people I know. Ok so they are attention whores and are so annoying you just wanna pop Heidi's fake boobs and shave Spencers flesh colored beard, but they are making bank with all their appearences and their staged paparazzi photoshoots. I was catching up on my perez and I came across this photo of Speidi and the Kardashians with Perez and just take a close look at Spencer's hand around his Coffee... HOLY CRAP THEY ARE HUGE. No wonder Heidie refuses to break up with him... you know what they say about big hands... big gloves. I mean if i saw Spencer on the street I would probably not be able to contain myself and burst out laughing at the sheer sight of him. However, he's a brilliant, yet annoying business man, and needs really big gloves. HA! So, Heidi for now I'll pretend your not a total idiot because you obviously understand what your doing....WAIT one more thing did anyone watch The Hills season finale where they all take shots... and Spencer could not handle his tequila and had to keep chasing with the other drink that they had their for him... hahahaha pussy.
Shout out to some of my fav capies for an interesting session last night.
peace.love.and capecod bitches.
(photo stolen from perezhilton.com) ps. this pic comes from publicity for his new book the red carpet survival guide... go buy it its amazing you'll love it.
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